Dumbwich Castle by Lord Birthday for February 11, 2017
Yes No How to seem like a normal person at social events 1. War a hat. Do not wear a helmet. No helmets. 2. Talk to people. Do not gather mice and raise up a choir unto the Lord. 3. Say things like, "How are you?" Never say, "Boo boo ding dong doo doo." Why would you say that? 4. Have a drink. Do not disrobe. Robe = stays on. 5. Eat an hors d'oeuvre. Do not suck on a balled-up napkin. Good god. 6. Scan the crowd for a suitable lover. Do not loudly announce that this is what you are doing. 7. Dance to the music. Do not flop around, foam flying from your mouth. Be sturdy and full of hope. 8. Ask people for their phone numbers. If they decline, do not dive into the nearest garbage can. 9. Say goodbye to everyone. Do not say you will see them in hell. It is not funny. It is true. You are all going to hell.