Doonesbury by Garry Trudeau for March 22, 1981
Television: Coming up: the evening news. But first, teletype machine sound effects! Good evening. Today the Senate finally completed the confirmation hearing of Chester P. Biffle, nominee for the post of Deputy Secretary of State for Cold War affairs. The hearing had been delayed while a federal grand jury deliberated extortion charges against Biffle. Although he was finally exonerated those charges were repeated today by six different witnesses. Other witnesses accused Biffle of conflict of interest, mob connections, war crimes, obstruction of justice, and sodomy. But in sworn testimony, FBI officials confirmed that Biffle was innocent until proven guilty. Turning to his qualifications, the committee determined that Biffle's familiarity with foreign affairs do not extend beyond his subscription to "National Geographic." He was unable to name the leaders of Japan, France, Germany or the U.S.S.R. However, following Biffle's testimony, Senator Jesse Helms praised the former Reagan fundraiser, saying "nobody's got a monopoly on intelligence or virtue." Added Senator Charles Percy, "he seems nice enough." Biffle's confirmation by the full Senate is expected tomorrow. Zonker: Whew!