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Dilbert Classics by Scott Adams for June 18, 2021

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    A Common 'tator  3 months ago

    From the pointy-haired-boss’ expression, in the last panel, he’s beginning to recognise sarcasm…

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    GROG Premium Member 3 months ago

    I bet they spend more time on the golf course than the office.

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    Jayalexander  3 months ago

    With only 8 they could have claimed “they do it with less”.

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    MayCauseBurns  3 months ago

    Of course those 10 executives came up with that statement after a 3 week “working retreat” on Maui.

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    John M  3 months ago

    I assume they’re the “finest directors” as they caused the company the most fines

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    InTraining  3 months ago

    and while the actual “state-of-the-art” changes, their statement will always apply…!

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    carlzr  3 months ago

    For more than twenty years I have had a mug with my old company’s values statement on it. I don’t understand it but reading it always cheers me up.

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    Kaputnik  3 months ago

    I’m fine with core values of “making lots of money while observing the law, being reasonably ethical, and treating our employees fairly”. But they always have to dress it up with insincere idealism.

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    ChessPirate  3 months ago

    “Ten out of ten executives recommend huge bonuses for executives…”

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    JDP_Huntington Beach  3 months ago

    Our quality policy is a page and a half long. In our ISO audits, the auditors would pick random people on the shop floor and ask them to recite the Quality Policy verbatum.

    Of course nobody did.

    But most of them were coached that if they got into trouble to point to the Statement Boards at the front of their line, where a number of items were listed, including the Policy Statement.

    After the audit was over, I wanted to see how well they understood what they were asked. I asked a few of them what the Policy Statement was, and they dutifully pointed to the board. I asked them to specifically POINT OUT the policy on the board, and only about half of them could do that. I wonder how many of them could actually read the policy statement but was too afraid of the answer to find out.

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    Jeddo  3 months ago

    25 years on, I’m still seeing the same bs on corporate websites while trying to figure out their actual line of business, which can be anything from IT development to selling screws and fixtures. Those execs actually missed a few keywords like “We are a leading producer of cutting-edge, state-of-the-art business solutions tailored to help your company grow” etc. Thank goodness a 3-year-old company no longer writes its team has 50 years combined experience in the field of nanotechnology.

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    mistercatworks  3 months ago

    Ouch! Heard a very similar phrase during this week’s annual shareholder’s meeting.

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    Thinkingblade  3 months ago

    Sadly I have been stuck in some meetings with execs (which I am not) facilitating such meetings. From the outside it would seem like this took 10 minutes to come up with, 5 of which are in selecting the font. In truth – it takes hours with extremely highly paid people discussing whether the term should be “state of the art” or “industry leading”.

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    WestofthePecan Premium Member 3 months ago

    Not to mention that it isn’t really a value statement in the first place. What “values” does it espouse? It’s more a mission statement, but even at that, it’s pretty abysmal. Which the ten executives probably didn’t know or care about, as others have pointed out.

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    Alberta Oil Premium Member 3 months ago

    Long established principal, executives are only allowed to contribute 1.5 words to any policy statement, having 9 would have meant 1.6.. beyond their pay grade to even consider it.

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    NWdryad  3 months ago

    It doesn’t seem to matter what kind of business companies and agencies are in, they all end up with a conference of higher ups who enjoy issuing unintelligible goal statements. My agency in particular specializes in “25 year vision statements”.

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    Troglodyte  3 months ago

    You know it’s ‘quality’ when you can smell it from afar, and it makes you want to retch! :D

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    sobrown51  3 months ago

    As a former VP I have been involved in several developments of those type statements. No matter how excellent the early draft statements starts off there are always those who want to add words, change words, etc and it usually comes out as a big nothing statement, too convoluted and vague to really mean anything of value.

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    Walter Kocker Premium Member 3 months ago

    Those statements usually carry on with something like: " . . . while ensuring a just and verdant world for our children . . ."

    And other such bald face lies.

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    Sisyphos  3 months ago

    Wally and Dilly are raining down Sarcasm Bombs on PHB, but he remains completely unfazed. Maybe Dilbert and Wally should first explain to PHB what Sarcasm is….

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    Sailor46 USN 65-95  3 months ago

    The key to being a good executive in that company is keeping the people who hate them away from those who are still undecided.. who are we kidding no one is undecided. It must be a lonely job.

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