Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for June 21, 2008

Transcript:

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling Chrystler's $2.99 Gas Price Guarantee Buy one of our gargantuan vehicles today, and we will lock in gasoline prices for 3 years! Pay more than $2.99 at the pump, and we'll pay you the difference! That's right: If you'll disregard the reality of the oil crisis and buy one of our gas guzzlers, we'll ensure that you won't feel any of the repercussions of your willful ignorance! But it doesn't stop at gas prices! Buy a Chrysler and... lock in pleasant news! We'll come to your home each morning and make sure you don't read any of the ugly news stories about wars, terrorism, or other fallout from purchasing oil to feed your monster. Lock in family safety! If one of your children dies in a war defending the U.S.'s oil interests, we'll replace him or her with an acceptable replica. Lock in environment stability! Global warming? Pollution? We guarantee you won't notice the effects, through our Personal Environmental Protection Program. TM How can we afford to guarantee your current lifestyle? We can't! But if people buy cars from companies that have produced sane, energy-efficient cars, we'll go bankrupt anyway! So we may as well go bankrupt with nutty guarantee programs! CHRYSLER: Facing America's Future By Creating Our Own Pretend America Of The Past