Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for October 18, 2003

Transcript:

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling FOIE GRAS! That quintessential gourmet treat has only one drawback -- the nasty ethical aftertaste of knowing it's made from the distended livers of ducks and geese that have had pneumatic tubes repeatedly rammed down their esophagus, mechanically pumping them full of corn paste. The Humane Foie Gras Farm At the Humane Fois Gras Farm, we induce obesity in our ducks not through brute force, but by simply giving them the LIFESTYLE AND PRIVILEGES WE ALL ENJOY AS AMERICANS! Every Sunday, our ducks are seated in La-Z-Boy chairs to watch hours of TV, surrounded by a dizzying array of cheese products, starch products, and cheese-filled starch products! Five days a week, our ducks are rendered sedentary in small cubicles, where the only food available in the short breaks allowed them are from snack machines and fast food outlets! Meals are presented to our ducks in obscenely huge portions, squeezed in next to densely caloric side dishes, super-sized, value-packed and all-you-can-eat gluttonized! Finally, our ducks are subjected to work and family stress so severe, they find themselves alone in the kitchen at 4 AM, stuffing peanut butter sandwiches down their throats! The foie gras is sublime, and you can enjoy it knowing it was cultivated in the most humane - indeed, HUMAN, - way possible! Duck: Uh...actually, we'd prefer the pneumatic tube.