Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for May 04, 2002

Transcript:

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling Presents: News of the Times S.U.V. Shrine Excavated Archaeologists have uncovered an ancient American shrine to "S.U.V.s", Americans' beloved religious totem-vehicles, near what was once called "Denver". Archaeologist: This is a rich discovery of what Americans called a "car lot" that could be a key to unraveling the mystery of this ill-fated people. Archaeologist #2: Look, this behemoth only seats four! S.U.V.s were sacred objects that, much like cows in India, clogged and befouled streets, but could not be threatened due to their religious significance. Artists Rendition It is believed that it was ancient America's unyielding worship of these totemic vehicles that led to the Oil Wars of the early 21st Century. Scholar: Americans were actually convinced by their political high priests that they should sacrifice their children and the environment to appease the S.U.V.s' insatiable appetite for "gasoline." Meanwhile, this winter divers will be braving brutally hot weather to excavate an ancient "parking lot" in the submerged land of "New England"! Diver: We're gonna need a bigger crane. I just saw one that must weigh three tons!