Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for January 06, 2023

Oldies but goodie’s….

And the thieves haven’t given me any of those gold coins, and I have big plans if they give me a few of them.

One time I was 26 years and 317 days old.

May the Lord be with you as He is with me.

And let those thieves try selling the stolen coins to any kind of reputable museum, auction house or major dealer.

Even at her age, I wouldn’t try flossing Flossie’s teeth!

I’d like to know how those thieves managed to get all those coins in such short time without getting caught by the authorities.

Think Cher got her hair-do ideas from those ancient Egyptians?

The Egyptians were also some of the earliest developers of more functional prosthetics, including some meant to allow people to walk with missing toes

If she is still alive, Flossie had her 27th birthday on December 29, 2022.

Did Flossie use all nine?

They could have given the museum guard a german security guards uniform and not a U.S. one.

Where were the surveillance cameras?

And they were furious when they discovered that the coins would not work in the Claw Machine at Chuck E Cheese’s.

Take care, may famed perruquier Lorraine “Lice Fleas And Any Other Nits Do Not Cost Extra” Scratchord be with you, and gesundheit.

Well, Jingles was the oldest mouse. LOL

A woman goes into Cabela’s to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. The clerk was standing behind the counter wearing dark glasses. She says to him, “Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?” He says, “Ma’am, I’m completely blind; but if you’ll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.” She doesn’t believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, “That’s a 6-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-pound test line. It’s a good all-around combination, and it’s on sale this week for only $20.”She says, “It’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I’ll take it!” As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. “Oh, that sounds like a MasterCard,” he says. She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was her who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around. The man rings up the sale and says, “That’ll be $34.50 please.” The woman is totally confused by this and asks, “Didn’t you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20? How did you get $34.50?” He replies, “Yes, ma’am. The rod and reel is $20, but the Duck Call is $11, and the Catfish Bait is $3.50.” She paid it and left without saying a word.

They had the oldest dog on the news yesterday, 161 human years old.

A very angry woman stormed up to the receptionist’s desk at a doctor’s office. “Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday!” she complained.

The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. “I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing,” he said. “Why do you think it was taken here?”

“After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly.”

“I think,” explained the surgeon gently, “that means your cataract operation was a success.”

I do hope they bring back the jokes. I look forward to them every day.

Sad about those stolen coins. Most likely they’ll be melted and sold for pure gold vs antiques/valuable historical items.

That coin robbery is nothing, I’ve seen videos of gang pretty much cleaning out a Best Buy store in less time than that.

Garfield is twice as old as Flossie

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, “Who owns the big white horse outside?”The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched up his gun belt, and said, “I do… Why?”

The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, “I just thought you’d like to know that your horse is almost dead!” The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough, Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse some water, and soon he was starting to feel a little better.

The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, “Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better.”

Tonto said, “Sure, Kemosabe!” and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, “Who owns that big white horse outside?”

The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, “I do, what’s wrong with him this time?”

The cowboy says, “Nothin’, but you left your Injun runnin’!”

Birdman out.

@Charlie Fogwhistle

I fear that you have become “incognito”…

https://www.gocomics.com/profile/1418921