Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for June 25, 2022

Except that one-hour stuff is B.S.

If he drinks enough carbonated beverages, he’ll float better.

My mother was VERY strong on not swimming until an hour after any meal. Imagine how annoyed we (by then adult) kids were when we found out!

One time I was two hours old.

How long before the lifeguard stand is replaced with an emergency phone, with a phone tree menu to navigate, and hold music? “It’s nice that the ones providing safety can pay 1/4 rate to someone who answers the phone a few continents over, isn’t it.”

Has it become inappropriate to say “Old Wives Tale”?

Hey, don’t cramp his style…

Actually, the old saw is partly correct. The recommendation is to avoid strenuous exercise, not just swimming, immediately after eating a full meal because the sudden adrenaline surge can disrupt healthy digestion. Energetic kids wouldn’t notice it until later. Not-so-athletic adults might.

Same goes for the one about brushing one’s teeth for at least 3 minutes. Most kids get it done in under 30 sec. Adults will take the 3, and some actually double that. But that’s a massive improvement over what one hears of the poor of early centuries and others, who supposedly used a bit of salt or baking soda and a frayed twig,

He also is careful to drink eight glasses of water a day and thinks most heat is lost through the head. (Both subjects of popular unproven myths, according to the NY Times’ Science section.)

I think that myth came from Mom’s desire to have a little break after lunch. She could chill and not have to watch the kids swim. Moms are sneaky like that, aren’t they? ;)

Is the child doing brain surgery with his finger?

I don’t see any cougars anywhere. Where is the wives tail?

The trouble was, it mistook swimming with exercise. We weren’t doing laps, we just wanted to frolic on the beach

My mom’s explanation for not going in the water after eating was “because you’ll sink.”

how can the kids rub Life Guard Brandon’s blonde hairy legs if he’s wearing cowboy boots…but then again, wearing cowboy boots to the beach makes perfect sense for Brandon…come on, man…or maybe he’s wearing the boots to hide the ankle wrap after falling off his bike…what a trooper…

First I’ve ever seen of a cowboy lifeguard. I’m not sure of the significance. Maybe another “old wives’ tale” involved?

During a winter intersession – the winter we got 84" of snow, I took an Advanced Life Saving class thinking it was just CPR and First aid which was covered in the first week. Afterwards I find out it was a Lifeguard class – where you have to swim laps with brick and save victims. I wasn’t a very fast swimmer, and I couldn’t see much without glasses (blurry coeds in swimsuits) – so it would take me painfully slow time to rescue people I couldn’t see… “Keep splashing, I’ll find you”. Passed the class, but didn’t get the lifeguard certification.

It’s one of those things like walking under a ladder. It may not be scientific but…

I think moms invented this little tale to give them some peace after a meal at the beach. No matter who is sitting in a little tower, Mom is always on lifeguard duty when her child is in the water.

It’s like “no opening umbrellas in the house” – the “bad luck” is caused by children sweeping bric-a-brac off the shelves with their umbrella. :)

Thanks to the internet, old wives’ tales now rapidly become “proven” facts.

“Cramps so bad you will sink like a rock. a rock!!!!”

Well if you wouldn’t leave the chicken salad with mayo in the sun so long…

Boots n big hat, must be texas. howzee gonna swim with a gun belt and a big ole 44?

Still better than Ayn Rand Beach, where everyone is expected to save themselves from drowning.

If I walk or exercise right after I eat, my stomach hurts. I never swim after I eat, but people may get stomach cramps from swimming. The moms probably did not want to go in the water right after they ate, so that is why the young children could not go in.

In Uvalde they call it Wives’ Tale police…..

A Wiley Kid!! Yahooo!

Swimming right after you’ve had something to eat isn’t dangerous at all.

Good luck FINDING lifeguards.Coney Island has been importing teenagers from Europe and Scandinavia for years.For some reason,Americans don’t want to be lifeguards.