Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for May 18, 2022

(Soul not actually required to make a purchase. Buy now before prices rise further!)

Mex Tex Sex for sale.

Already bought, Bought, BOUGHT!

Although, now that you remind me, I am low on Walnettos.® ™

I’m sold, where do I buy?

I have never heard of “Walnettos.” Anyone remember what they were? And when?

Why is the lawn flamingo standing in a bag of chips, looking at Arkansas on a closed toilet on a car hood?

Hello, please explain why my credit application was denied. Thank you.

SILENCE DISCIPLINE REMORSE

…more of faraday cage, really…

…and no one buys cds anymore…

…except me…

…and I’d rather read Hiram & Lois than a Calvin & Hobbes 1,000th rerun…

…you know the only Charlie Shultz rerun was Linus & Lucy’s brother…

…yes, I know I spelled it wrong…

…but it is the hip new spelling…

…but I don’t require a new hip…

…rather, new knees…

…no…

…not like Lindsay Lohan’s Mr. President’s , either..

…use Frog Applause daily instead of vitamin tablets…

…and/or salt and vinegar chips may be required…

Is a soul penetralium a good place to store emotional baggage?

I respect the person who buys Calvin and Hobbies, a trumpet, and a turtle.

Teresa! How could you! Arkansas is not for sale!

(but we do rent out parts of it in the winter to Yankee snowbirds – make us an offer)

P.S. Did you laugh maniacally when you perched us on a toilet seat lid?

Stuff: gotta have enough, but it always bleeds over into too much. Taken in toto stuff constitutes a highly detailed, if a bit lumpy, smokescreen from the not-stuff that’s really important in life. That’s why its purveyors covet your soul’s penetralia.

A collage of a decoupage, of a fickled finger of fate, gone wild…a stairwell to the cloud, press send, a hundred times….

There there, now!

USPS, UPS, FEDX, etc a stream of deliveries will ensue …..

Breathe deeply, as each come to your doorstep….

But seriously, if the marketing and entertainment devices are penetrating to the depths of your soul, you may want to consider that there are vast untapped depths beyond your current comprehension.

And go see Dσƈƚσɾ Sƚɾαɳɠҽ ιɳ ƚԋҽ Mυʅƚιʋҽɾʂҽ σϝ Mαԃɳҽʂʂ !

This is the mantra of QVC and HSN ( as well as Faux Noise … but that’s another kettle of worms! )

No one expected the Spanish penetralia.

I lost something, can I search your secret room?

I’d buy a didjeridu from Penetrailia … but WAIT …

There’s MORE …!

I’ve got the USMC Ka-Bar, the Pyrex Primary Color Mixing Bowls, a woman who closes her eyes when I’m around and (not shown) a pocket full of miracles.

So bye-bye, Miss American Pie

Drove my BMW to the ATM

But the ATM was dry

Them good old boys were drinking QAnon and rye

Singing, “This’ll be the day that I die”

This will be the day that I die

It’s harder than it looks! https://tinyurl.com/FAFanMimic

The dreaded, monstrous TELEVISION, penetrator of souls, indeed traitor to all, purveyor of just about every conceivable commodity, as well as some that might seem inconceivable (such as Arkansas; does Arkansas really exist? —Just a rhetorical question; I’ve had the pleasure of passing through on the way to Somewhere Else).

But, and here’s the deliciously Frog Applaudian irony, I have not showered my money on any of the specifically implicated goods! Not even the USMC Ka-Bar!

…I’ve tried unplugging from the machine…

…it wasn’t exactly trees and birds, the ocean and meeting the neighbors…

…it was more like going off heroin…

…cold sick vomiting shakes…

…(or so I’m told…

… I’ve quit beer before and never once felt imaginary bugs crawling on my skin)…

…some claim being well connected is the next step in evolution…

… but I’ve tasted the maggots of the mind of the universe…

…and before the new update…

..the world was flat…

…and we were all I want my MTV pixelated…

..extra crispy cheese it’s are the answer…

X Ray Sugar free in the TV. Lovitt or leaf it.

RED ALERT ! … RED ALERT !

Lame explosions have been cited nearby … pull a blanket over your head and prey …..

( why is the color red chosen to represent alerts and warnings? … because it is the color of blood? … how about switching to excrement brown, the color of the poo emoji … too lame? )

We go thru this all the time.

Sane bat chanel number five.,

Sane bat Timmy time.,

Tomorrow is no different..

Let the Dick Tracey watch ground control synchronicity …

Leaf our bat fans ahead.

Day 2. This begins to look like a Hard Sell.

Resist! Resist! Resist! [No Borgs were involved in this Comment.]

…thy shall not covet…

…because at zero interest and no money down…

…your neighbors will be the ones coveting…

…your brand new Jeep 4×4…

…thy shall not use The Lord’s name in vain…

…OMG!!!…

…I have to have that Jeep!!!…

…you shall put no other gods before me…

….oh great and mighty dollar…

….thank you for this brand new Jeep…

…love thy neighbor as thy self…

…that F-ing Jerry…

…getting the upgrade on his brand new Jeep 4×4 all electric version…

…I hate him…

…thy shall not kill…

…I’ll murder the bum…

…thy shall not commit adultery…

…right after I have a fling with his wife…

…

…keep the sabbath day holy…

…this Sunday after church and before he gets home from the ball game…

…all I’ll have to do is tell mom & dad I’m going up to their house in Cleveland…

…or…

…I could just dress up like him…

… steal his Jeep…

…smash it to pieces with a sledgehammer…

…and tell everybody I saw him do it for the insurance money…

… Next time on ‘As Froglandia Turns,’ ….

OK, OK, Day 3. Still not spending all my hard-earned cash. Inflation and Bear Market, you know. Not sure I can even afford to fill my car’s gas tank….

At this point, this comic is as stale as the advertising shtick.

3-day hiatus. Hope Teresa’s OK.

So I’m watching this thing on Amazon, and halfway through the first episode of a series, I realize that it was something I’ve already seen on some cable channel a few years ago, and nearly entirely forgotten. And then the whole thing comes back. But on the bright side, I could smell the lilacs, faintly, just a bit. I know it isn’t the same thing, but it certainly is a contemporaneous coincidence!

Dearie me! Day 4. I’m spent….

That lip stick on her lushes lips, makes me feel better about the fact she not fitted to the full screen.

Just the fax ma’am.

Yes sir my fax machine is upstairs.

As seen on TV.

Where is Teresa?

TERESA, CAN YOU HEAR ME?

Just nod

I’ve sent my cyclops teddy bear out for a possible capture of Teresa and her force.

… tick, tick, tick, tick … CaFfEiNe … FA …!

Uh-oh. Here we are, fellow Froglandians, Day 5!

I recommend we organize a Search and Rescue operation to find Sister Teresa of Perpetual Lameness, before she also becomes perpetually MIA….

She’s just recharging her mystique. Scarcity and demand sending the stock price rising. Cloak and peek-a-boo, increasing the wonder. Somebody send up the fecal plumage signal, see if anything sticks.

Lappop prob

♪DING! DONG!♫

Teresa’s well!

Just had a hard-drive fail myownself. Slows down posting to FAAS, yessuh!

Just heard from Sister T. Evidently the “T” now also sTands for TOAST … as in a ToasTed lapTop … reruns are in our fuTure and the blog will be Taking a shorT hiaTus Too … unTil her Tech supporT geTs all of her daTa Transferred To a new AppleSoft MicroMac Thing-a-ma-gig, version 22-2LOO …!

( arrrgh )

[See my footnote on tomorrow’s new ’toon.]