In honor of The King Of Preamble’s (you know who you are, Silver) return to RBION, I present no preamble for tonight’s hit-and-run joke…
A nurse walks into the examination room and tells the doctor he needs to sign some important medical documents. “I’ll be right out, just as soon as I start taking this patient’s temperature.”
Out in the reception area, she hands him the papers. He sits down and begins to sign. However, his signature doesn’t appear on the dotted lines.
“What’s wrong with this pen, Nurse?” he asks impatiently.
“Um, that’s not a pen, Doctor; it’s a thermometer.”
The physician takes a closer look and says, “You’re right; this IS a thermometer. Where’s my pen?”
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”
The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?”.
“Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead,” replied the vet..
“How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.”
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.
The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$150!” she cried, “$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!”
The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $150.”
Question: They call a guy who wears boxer shorts a boxer. They call a guy who wears swim shorts a swimmer. What do you call a guy who doesn’t wear any shorts at all?
Flying Bells make just as much sense as a rabbit and painted hard-boiled eggs do for the death, burial And Resurrection of Jesus Christ I still don’t understand where we got that idea from!
eromlig almost 2 years ago
In honor of The King Of Preamble’s (you know who you are, Silver) return to RBION, I present no preamble for tonight’s hit-and-run joke…
A nurse walks into the examination room and tells the doctor he needs to sign some important medical documents. “I’ll be right out, just as soon as I start taking this patient’s temperature.”
Out in the reception area, she hands him the papers. He sits down and begins to sign. However, his signature doesn’t appear on the dotted lines.
“What’s wrong with this pen, Nurse?” he asks impatiently.
“Um, that’s not a pen, Doctor; it’s a thermometer.”
The physician takes a closer look and says, “You’re right; this IS a thermometer. Where’s my pen?”
jasonsnakelover almost 2 years ago
Bark Mebbington One time I was 35 hours old. One time I saw 501 rounds of boxing practice.
One time I was 71%
Penguins have a gland above their eyes that converts seawater to freshwater.
May the Lord be with you.
Templo S.U.D. almost 2 years ago
So how did Mark do any boxing-unrelated activities that requires the use of his hands while padded: dressing, bathing, eating, using the W.C.?
Daniel Verburg almost 2 years ago
It was in Belgium that church bells, bringing chocolate Easter eggs originated !
Detroit Dan almost 2 years ago
Every household should have a dog (especially ones with children), for the unconditional love they give!
lmuller7 almost 2 years ago
Or Cats !
Huckleberry Hiroshima almost 2 years ago
And the other 30 percent of households include a germ.
Take care, may microscopic sentient entity Pleep “Hey I’m Tiny But I’m Here And Always Will Be” Tardigord be with you, and gesundheit.
Nicole ♫ ⊱✿ ◕‿◕✿⊰♫ Premium Member almost 2 years ago
I love how Castano drew a self-portrait with his pets!!
WCraft Premium Member almost 2 years ago
But the last 100 hours of Mark Bebbington’s record involved him lying on the floor.
dv1093 almost 2 years ago
Really scrapping the bottom of the Ripley’s barrel today.
Charlie Fogwhistle almost 2 years ago
Pets benefit children by exposing them to allergens beginning at an early age, thereby increasing their immunity to those things.
mindjob almost 2 years ago
Baby bells are hatched from those Easter eggs, and that’s how they reproduce
Charlie Fogwhistle almost 2 years ago
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”
The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?”.
“Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead,” replied the vet..
“How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.”
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.
The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$150!” she cried, “$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!”
The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $150.”
Until next time.
artegal almost 2 years ago
I refuse to believe a bell is capable of delivering anything. Where does it hold the eggs? At least the Easter Bunny carries a basket.
Wirepuncher almost 2 years ago
Easter eggs from a bell, that’s dingy.
FassEddie almost 2 years ago
Question: They call a guy who wears boxer shorts a boxer. They call a guy who wears swim shorts a swimmer. What do you call a guy who doesn’t wear any shorts at all?
Answer: A swinger.
Charlie Fogwhistle almost 2 years ago
This seems to fall in a popular category.
A guy walks into a bar with his pet alligator. He says to the bartender, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
Bartender says, “Yep, sure do!”
The guy says, “Great! I’ll have a scotch neat, and my alligator will have a lawyer.”
Until next time.
God particle almost 2 years ago
Flying Bells make just as much sense as a rabbit and painted hard-boiled eggs do for the death, burial And Resurrection of Jesus Christ I still don’t understand where we got that idea from!