FoxTrot Classics by Bill Amend for May 13, 2022

and a boat to get to said psychiatrist

Water polo for dummies

He needs balls that float.

If the ball lands in the water hazard, how can you tell?

OH RATFARTS!

He plays golf. Of course he needs a psychiatrist.

Reminds me of a Dave Allen bit once, “The Mad Golfer rings up a friend and say’s ‘How ’bout a round?’ The friend says, ‘I can’t; we’re in mourning. My half-brother died.’ ‘Well, you could play nine holes.’”

I can’t believe Peter is still there. I’d have left a long time ago!

and a doc for Pete after this – no way is getting out of this without flu

Where is Noah’s Ark?

I imagine that playing golf in the rain reduces the distance on drives.

I recently drove about 150 miles in heavy rain and my gas mileage was exceptionally poor. It takes more energy to push pieces of water out of the way (and also drive through about a standing inch of it) than it does to push pieces of air out of the way.

A golf ball is more aerodynamic than my car, but a raindrop is much larger relative to a golf ball.

Next, he breaks out the chess board.

my dad & 2 of his brothers took me golfing when I was nine or so. And then I thought, “Oh, good; I’ve done that, now I never have to do it again.”

If you are under 55 and golf, you need mental health care. If you’re over 55 and golf, it’s too late for treatment.

Sigh. I’m just reminded of the interview that Bob Newhart gave about the creation of ‘The Bob Newhart Show’: “I didn’t have a lot of demands. I just didn’t want the show to be where dad’s a dolt that everyone loves, who gets himself into a pickle and then the wife and kids huddle together to get him out of it.” This whole ’Dad is so stupid" theme ranks right up there with the “Mom is a lousy driver” theme from the Sixties.

The psychiatrist is playing the next hole.

Are you willing to pay for the therapy, Peter?

If Peter doesn’t like the rain he can come to California and play through a drought induced fire storm

Reminds me of an incident in California in the 1990s. People were in a park when it started to rain. The park began to be flooded, and they had to get on top of their cars and wait for rescue. It turned out the park was supposed to be used as a park only during droughts. During rainy seasons, it was a detention basin.

I guess I was wrong yesterday. It’s definitely not hyperbole.

Got that right, Peter!