See Calvin, here’s the thing – while you do get to say that to people in advice columns, you need to phrase each one differently and couch the language in such a way that what you actually said isn’t noticed.
Succinct, pithy, highly accurate. Usually muttered while composing a bland if/then reply to people who should know better. But never, ever included in the final draft.
One advice that I remember often when i was a young school boy was “Why don’t you go jump in a lake!” Confused to this day I can’t figure if that was meant as an insult, or, if you happened to grow up into Olympian swimmers such as Michael Phelps or Katie Ledecky, pleasant advice?
At first glance, one would think that insulting people would be somewhat… limited… as a career choice. Then again, when this was originally published, Don Rickles was still alive.
Well there you are. A perfect tik tok sort of thing. Pick a celebrity or cause and just say that to them while smiling and say “Bless your heart” when you’re done.
Most people writing to advice columns have probably exhausted all other avenues of inquiry. So they write in wanting to hear one, and only one, thing; “Tell me I’m right and my Mother/Father/Son/Daughter/Friend/Relative/Neighbor/[insert as appropriate] is wrong!” Why they assume Abby, Anne, or Miss Manners knows any more about the problem with their Mother/Father/Son/Daughter/Friend/Relative/Neighbor/[insert as appropriate] always baffles me. 8>)
Advice columnist were the first consultants: Find a problem, offer a solution, then get out of town so that when the ‘solution’ fails you can’t be blamed. And with any luck be called back in to advise on the implementation failure.
There was a time in my late 20s when I dated a number of women who were 22-years-old. I don’t know why. I think that’s when a lot of young people are “running around loose”. Anyway, the one thing I learned from those experiences: many women like the sound of good advice. Just don’t expect it to affect their behavior or character.
Reminds me of an online article suggesting that movie critics get straight to the point with blunt, trite statements like “It sucks.” The author didn’t even think that would be enough to save the business, just keep it on life support. I think HE sucked.
Charles Barr Premium Member about 2 years ago
But the competition is fierce.
BE THIS GUY about 2 years ago
Don’t forget:
Whose baby is that?
What’s your angle?
I’ll buy that!
dadthedawg about 2 years ago
Almost as good as being a cartoonist…..
The Calvinosaurus That Calvin Wanted To Discover about 2 years ago
Good thing to do on April Fool’s Day.
Sugar Bombs 95 about 2 years ago
Calvin would love commenting on Reddit.
Templo S.U.D. about 2 years ago
as if the newspaper would hire a six-year-old
C about 2 years ago
Can’t imagine why this gig hasn’t been filled yet
Scorpio Premium Member about 2 years ago
See Calvin, here’s the thing – while you do get to say that to people in advice columns, you need to phrase each one differently and couch the language in such a way that what you actually said isn’t noticed.
eastern.woods.metal about 2 years ago
Can’t ague with that, they are a racket
Bilan about 2 years ago
Don’t forget the most important advice: You should definitely spoil your kids. After all, they’re going to pick your retirement home.
Johnny Q Premium Member about 2 years ago
Don’t forget “Don’t be a doormat!”
Susan00100 about 2 years ago
Sounds like early Ann Landers and Dear Abby.
in.amongst about 2 years ago
Yeah right, winging it like no tomorrow!!
Algolei I about 2 years ago
Does the newspaper need a new advice columnist?
No, but I think it does.
DaveG1960 about 2 years ago
Ah! A Causing Agony Aunt
The Reader Premium Member about 2 years ago
Racket to the side of the head!
bignatefantic2.0 about 2 years ago
Keep this up Calvin, and a angry mob will attack you
sandpiper about 2 years ago
Succinct, pithy, highly accurate. Usually muttered while composing a bland if/then reply to people who should know better. But never, ever included in the final draft.
ACK! Premium Member about 2 years ago
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2ccC4aULow
dcdete. about 2 years ago
One advice that I remember often when i was a young school boy was “Why don’t you go jump in a lake!” Confused to this day I can’t figure if that was meant as an insult, or, if you happened to grow up into Olympian swimmers such as Michael Phelps or Katie Ledecky, pleasant advice?
Count Olaf Premium Member about 2 years ago
Don’t forget “Go S**t in Your Hat”. A personal favorite of The Count.
rmercer Premium Member about 2 years ago
Can’t forget the classic “Turn it off. Then turn it on again. If that don’t fix it, buy a new one.”
Who, me? about 2 years ago
It doesn’t cover everything, Hobbes. What if the complaint is legit?
Egrayjames about 2 years ago
You have no complaint
You are what your are and you ain’t what you ain’t
So listen up buster, and listen up good
Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood
jrankin1959 about 2 years ago
At first glance, one would think that insulting people would be somewhat… limited… as a career choice. Then again, when this was originally published, Don Rickles was still alive.
bittenbyknittin about 2 years ago
“Dump him.”
nsr60 about 2 years ago
Abigail Van Buren was known to say “Kwitcherbellyaching” at times.
Imagine about 2 years ago
He was so far ahead of his time. Now we have the internet where that is standard behaviour.
Jimvideo about 2 years ago
Calvin is a future internet troll.
dwdl21 about 2 years ago
Calvin is Dr. Phil? LOL
Redd Panda about 2 years ago
The Jack Webb approach … I like it!
vaughnrl2003 Premium Member about 2 years ago
Well there you are. A perfect tik tok sort of thing. Pick a celebrity or cause and just say that to them while smiling and say “Bless your heart” when you’re done.
djtenltd about 2 years ago
That will be the hortest employment ever.
djtenltd about 2 years ago
@BE THIS GUY- HA!! The Fllintstones! I remember that.
tripwire45 about 2 years ago
As satire, that would probably work. Just don’t make jokes about Will Smith’s wife.
Nyan the Cat:) about 2 years ago
hes good
nathan.sheriff3 about 2 years ago
Calvin is ahead of his time!
KEA about 2 years ago
sounds like right wing talk radio
SweetSinger about 2 years ago
Lovin’ that grin in panel 3. Happy AFD everyone!
vehlers about 2 years ago
His expression in the third panel is awesome.
The Wolf In Your Midst about 2 years ago
“Diplomacy is telling someone to go to Hell in such a way that they ask for directions.” – Winston Churchill
Bookworm about 2 years ago
Most people writing to advice columns have probably exhausted all other avenues of inquiry. So they write in wanting to hear one, and only one, thing; “Tell me I’m right and my Mother/Father/Son/Daughter/Friend/Relative/Neighbor/[insert as appropriate] is wrong!” Why they assume Abby, Anne, or Miss Manners knows any more about the problem with their Mother/Father/Son/Daughter/Friend/Relative/Neighbor/[insert as appropriate] always baffles me. 8>)
tauyen about 2 years ago
Advice columnist were the first consultants: Find a problem, offer a solution, then get out of town so that when the ‘solution’ fails you can’t be blamed. And with any luck be called back in to advise on the implementation failure.
mistercatworks about 2 years ago
There was a time in my late 20s when I dated a number of women who were 22-years-old. I don’t know why. I think that’s when a lot of young people are “running around loose”. Anyway, the one thing I learned from those experiences: many women like the sound of good advice. Just don’t expect it to affect their behavior or character.
BiggerNate91 about 2 years ago
It would be a way better racket for Calvin if he did it in this current era.
patrickab7 about 2 years ago
Now that’s just Twitter.
mindjob about 2 years ago
“Why are you asking me? I’m just a kid”
gantech about 2 years ago
“Dear Abbey” ~ John Prine
wiley207 about 2 years ago
Calvin would make a great insult comic!
Stephen Gilberg about 2 years ago
Reminds me of an online article suggesting that movie critics get straight to the point with blunt, trite statements like “It sucks.” The author didn’t even think that would be enough to save the business, just keep it on life support. I think HE sucked.
bryan42 about 2 years ago
Just Married, Just Married
You have no regrets
You are what you are and you ain’t what you ain’t
So listen up buster and listen up good
Stop wishing for bad luck and knokin’ on wood!
Signed, Dear Abby.
rshive about 2 years ago
Calvin has solved all his problems — rightly or wrongly.
StevePappas about 2 years ago
%99 of Ann Landers advise was to see a therapist, so I’m fine with Calvin’s advise.
Otis Rufus Driftwood about 2 years ago
Nowadays we have ‘social media’ to that all for us without even asking.
edeloriea14 about 2 years ago
Calvin’s the “Dear Abby” of snark!
20116687 about 2 years ago
u allsuck