That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for January 05, 2022

“Damn it! Which one these books do I have to pull to open the secret passageway?”

Some people shelve their books in alphabetical order, or by subject, or author, or even by size and color. Marion’s were grouped by from which friend she’d “borrowed” them.

Mom, finding Junior’s stash of porn.

Ah, the halcyon days of the early 20th century, when Puke Yellow was chic.

/// The librarian made a deposit

to the “special” books stored in a closet.

When they’re written by hacks

they’re removed from the stacks,

like this Calculus/Porno composite.

/// Later on a man, Wally, implored her,

“Let me check it out on special order.”

The book, “No Limits Math,”

(by a known psychopath)

never came back from Wally, a hoarder.

Coreen is concerned that she cannot find the book “How to Kill Your Husband”.

Mrs Dewey wondering why her husband didn’t use his damn decimal system at home!

Almost two years into the pandemic and she’s watched everything Netflix has to offer twice. She’s finally deciding to be a reader.

She rabidly rifles the stacks

For the best “literary snacks”

She must leave on the chair

(It had better be there !)

Before the damn dog attacks..

When her hubby became manic

Lucrezia Borgia got into panic

And took a quick look

For her latest cookbook

With recipes for “Bye-Pies with arsenic”

The irony of keeping books on how to come out of the closet in a closet.

now, where did i put that damn lottery ticket….?

“Hey big boy,” she said to the man behind her, “Want to open the cover and get into a good story?”

“That box of Christmas chocolates didn’t just get up and walk away…STANLEY!!!”

Where did I hide my stash?

Watch your back, Coreen; he’s hiding behind the curtain.

“Oh dear, my journal detailing all of the criminal activity in my wealthy husband’s family has disappeared. If this were an episode of Midsomer Murders, I would be the next one on the killer’s hit li………..” (thunk)

“Here it is – To Serve Mankind by Centauri Ribbleblurf…”

Miss January in the ‘Shy Librarian of the Month Calendar’.

She’s looking for that book…50 shades of……………

Searching for the exercise book “Where Did My Butt Go?”.

“Order” is not her strong suit.

She’s not stupid- but she’s not quite astute.

What she knows of Dewey Decimal

Is infinitesimal

But (seen from behind) she IS cute …

Nancy Drew in The Omniscient Author Mystery: “Hey, these books are all about ME! Who is this ‘Carolyn Keene’ and why is she keeping records on me?”

One wonders what prompted an artist to invest time and materials into depicting the backside of a rather messy / disorganized woman? Just practice? His wife?

“Here it is, Psycho for Dummies.”

The closet was filled to the brim

With tripe that was left there by him..

Tis the stuff that he read

Is the reason he’s dead..

And their cruise – where she’d found he can’t swim..///

She recalls how they stood on the deck

And she gave him a parting peck

Then she caused him to sail

Right over the rail

(The fall must have broken his neck).///

When the ship they were on reached its port

She spent two weeks in a resort

Two weeks in the sun..

Only when she was done

Did she file a police report…///

Somewhere in the ocean he’s lost in

While she has returned to Boston

Where the Symphony rules,

And there’s quality schools ( Harvard ! M.I. T. !!)

And her closet is filled with Jane Austen…

Mrs. Peacock, in the library, is about to be felled by Col. Mustard, with a candlestick, but she hasn’t a Clue!

The library: 

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Vallotton_-_La_biblioth%C3%A8que,_1915,_Inv._2004-055.jpg 

(best viewed by Google Chrome, which can automatically translate most webpages if necessary) has info and links that point to more info about this painting. Other versions has the strip coloration image.

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (⌘- or Ctrl-) clicking the image at 

http://thatispriceless.blogspot.com/2022/01/masterpiece-2866.html 

I have added a comment there (awaiting Mr. Melcher’s approval) pointing to the artist info I used to point to here. So far, 4 works by this artist have been used here. 

https://www.gocomics.com/that-is-priceless/2021/03/01?comments=visible 

has the prior (the artist info URLs in my comment there are pointed to by here links in the blog comment).

She’s worth checking out……

“Hmm. Bob has an art photography book? That’s not like him. ‘A Retrospective of Robert Mapplethorpe.’ I love good photography. Let’s take a look.”

If her sagging ass is being checked out then whoever the person is eyeing her should love the low hanging rack too :p

/// I composed one of these Christmas Eve.

They seem easy, or am I naïve?

Though it’s limericks I ken,

I’ll try haiku again.

(Perhaps feedback I’ll this time receive.)

— Closed volumes languish.

Haphazard paper sculpture

imparts no wisdom.

Geocaching

… before, well … GPS.

Nothin like a bedtime story in the evenin’.

The First (and Last) Date: “Jesus, how many books about submarine warfare does one guy need?!?”

Harriet the Spy, the Later Years: Harriet the Snoop

“Dammit, somebody got my Whitman’s Sampler! “