Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for July 14, 2020

Go to H&R Block

They’re due on Wednesday to you’d better hurry.

bummer, Pig

Luckily for me, I have official help with my taxes. They’ve done a pretty good job for the third or fourth year in a row.

Pig, try Shazam! If that doesn’t work, try “Ooly goolie woohoo”

Pig – You’re a middle class porcus. Strictly prohibited by Congress.

Congress has reserved the slow tax and the self-preparing taxes for their 1% cronies. The 1% does not have time to spend preparing taxes when there’s Tesla, Ferrari, Bentley, Gucci, and other frivolous spending and political grift to be done.

You bring home the bacon and pay ’em in lard.

You’re confused, Pig; “Kablooey” is what taxes do to you, not what you do to them.

Consumers Union (used to?) send made up tax information for an approximately average family of four with not very much complexity to each of the IRS zone offices, where they used to fill out the tax form “correctly”. During the time they did that, not even one time did the offices agree.

Maybe the Wizard of ID has a spell that might work.

The government already has all the information. Do it the easy way Pig. Fill out your name, address, and SSN. Sign the bottom. Attach your W2 and a signed blank check to the Treasury. Mail. ;-)

I never knew pigs were taxed too.

Christmas in July …….. For the IRS ! … Croc Power !

Death and Taxes, Pig!

Oh great. Thanks to Stephan, I can’t claim that I didn’t know the taxes were due now.

It’s easy, just enter all zeros.

I use the short income tax return: “What was your income? How soon can you return it?” (A shiny new dime to anyone who knows where that joke originated.)

Poor PIG is so delusional…..Kazaaaaammmm!

Even Houdini had to do hide taxes.

They do a magic trick: Making savings disappear.

just say " I forgot"…….

Filing is a breeze if you don’t itemize.

H & R Block. Where the accountant that actually does your work gets 15 bucks an hour and the rest of your return (if you even get anything back) goes to advertising.

Still waiting for that refund since March. (Yeah, I mailed paper forms.)

Tuck faxes!

Income tax is income theft.

Get a tax person.

Gave up years ago and hired an accountant. Returns get filed, I get a reminder each quarter. Benefit-to-cost ratio is huge.

Try ‘Abracadabra’

Pig needs a random number generator.

Pig – the day that happens is the day pigs fly, so break into your piggy bank to feed the federal pork.

I think “KABLOOEY” would blow the taxes up

Filed mine in March.

You got that right.

Somewhere I have a book of historical cartoons. The best has a fella looking at his pay stub with a calendar on the wall showing April 15, 1913.

“This is terrible! It comes to 3% of my pay!”

seriously, whazam? kablooey? try acchio, maybe expecto patronum

Try some of these. Kudos if people know the origins of them.

1- Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn, and caldron bubble

2- Expecto Patronum

3- Mecca lecca hi, mecca hiney ho

4- Frammin’ at the jim-jam, frippin’ in the krotz

5- Abra abracadabra I wanna reach out and grab ya

6- Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo

7- By the Eye of Agamotto

8- I am a servant of the secret fire, wielder of the flame of Anor

9- Open Sesame

10- Oo ee oo ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang

11- Treguna Mekoides Trecorum Satis Dee

12- Kaplowey

13- Epiwdnim

I thought taxes were due in early in the year in the US. Was I mistaken, or are there different taxes due now?

The IRS could already fill out the tax forms for almost everyone, but that would be bad for the income tax preparers, so this stupid situation continues unabated.

Go to TurboTaxSucksAss.com. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it’s got all of the free online DIY tax services.

For a second, I thought Pig was reading Don Martin cartoons.

IRS Questions, simplified:“How much money did you make?”“Send it to me.”

For God’s sake, where are the crocs??? That’s really the only time you’re funny any more.

Move to Illinois and the formula is simple: What ever you make, it all goes to the state government.

I click my heels together and break lots of glass slippers.

had my CPA do my taxes the last week of Jan 2020, had my refund about 7 working days later

No use wondering why taxes are taxing, Pig!

Kablooey? Kablooey to get taxes to magically do themselves? Shouldn’t kablooey make the taxes magically destroy themselves? Always associated kablooey with something being destroyed or badly ruined.

“Kablooey” is the sound my bank account makes right after I pay my taxes.

Simplified 1040

Latest revision for 1040 Federal Income Tax Form. Department of the Internal Revenue Service 07. 19_____.

Your Social Security Number ________.

Part 1: Income

1. How much money did you make last year? ________

2. Send it in ________

That isn’t a joke and it ain’t funny.

Gotta have them done and postmarked before midnight tomorrow (15 July, this year’s extended deadline), Pig. I’d recommend you not get sucked into TV-viewing!

That’s why I did mine on the original schedule.

This is why I use online accounting with links to my bank accounts. All I have to do for taxes is tick off transactions to make sure the AI filed them correctly and the figures are done for me. It takes maybe 2 hours a year, including time to sort weird blips.

Did that many people really not do their taxes back in March?

I put mine in a drawer for an extra 3 months and when I pulled them out they were still undone. Sigh…..