Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for July 16, 2020

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    mwksix  over 3 years ago

    You’ll have my full attention this evening because I’m not trying to learn a script right now…

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    I Mad Am I  over 3 years ago

    How polite! I would be expecting Howling Laughter from the Kitchen for the same Faux Pas. ;)

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    enigmamz  over 3 years ago

    “Hi, I’ll not be leaving a tip, but won’t tell you.

    Oops."

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    wldhrsy2luv  over 3 years ago

    Smirk under your mask while we head for the door!

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    Renatus Profuturus Frigeridus Premium Member over 3 years ago

    Chauvinism and overcriticism , typical of the French .

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    Leojim  over 3 years ago

    Expressing sarcasm is difficult with a mask because people can’t see your smile/smirk.

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    Bilan  over 3 years ago

    “We will be leaving you a 20% tip. But we haven’t decided what it’s 20% of.”

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    RAGs  over 3 years ago
    All of those supercilious waiters are upset because their sneering is wasted.
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    Alabama Al  over 3 years ago

    We don’t care if the wine “matches” or not – it’s what we WANT!

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    Superfrog  over 3 years ago

    Ok, Andy. Now read us the specials and give us full descriptions and recommendations before we order the steak and chips with 2 glasses of the house red.

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    kaffekup   over 3 years ago

    I do miss being able to smile at people. One lady’s mask today did have large smiling lips on it.

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    Enter.Name.Here  over 3 years ago

    The only thing different is the mask. Smirking is always on the house.

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    Baarorso  over 3 years ago

    Since you’re the waiter Miseur Andre, why don’t you take the customers’ orders and THEN recommend a wine or two that would pair nicely with them? (First rule of sales….know your product!)

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    Say What? Premium Member over 3 years ago

    “Fine. I fart in your general direction, your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries. Now go away or I will taunt you a second time.”

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    lordhoff  over 3 years ago
    and we will be robbing the restaurant blind! Who could ID us?
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    The Old Wolf  over 3 years ago

    I’ll have the “canard à l’orange,” and bring me a jug of Ripple.

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    Space_cat  over 3 years ago

    I’ve learned to smile with my eyes, whilst simultaneously sticking my tongue out!

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    dot-the-I  over 3 years ago

    Note: Smirk-free establishments distance with old orange cones rather than felt roping.

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    Whatcouldgowrong  over 3 years ago

    Going to a restaurant while it’s necessary to wear a mask doesn’t even make the top 100 on my (Things I’d Like) To-Do list.

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    Ignatz Premium Member over 3 years ago

    That one drives me crazy. If I feel like having red wine with my damned fish, I’ll have red wine with my damned fish.

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    sandpiper  over 3 years ago

    As long as your eyes and brow are visible, your expression can be read reasonably well. After all those are the first indicators preceding speech.

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    1953Baby  over 3 years ago

    Do people really worry about this stuff?!? I don’t know wines at all, can’t drink red, so I usually go with a white or rose—IF I don’t have tonic water with a twist of lime. pin

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    bbenoit  over 3 years ago

    I don’t drink, therefore I don’t care, about your pair.

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    Bill The Nuke  over 3 years ago

    I’m Bill and I’ll be smirking beneath this mask when I calculate your tip.

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    rhpii  over 3 years ago

    Can you add some ice to the 2009 St. Emilion? Oh and bring a straw too.

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    ChristineMurphy  over 3 years ago

    Which is why my daughter loves wearing the mask. When she accidentally makes eye contact with someone, she doesn’t go into a panic trying to smile. In some ways, she can just pretend she’s invisible on her now weekly trip out of the house.

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    HappyDog/ᵀʳʸ ᴮᵒᶻᵒ ⁴ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠᵘⁿ ᵒᶠ ᶦᵗ Premium Member over 3 years ago

    Whatever. It’s nice to finally see the interior of that corner establishment that Wiley uses so often.

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    John Leonard Premium Member over 3 years ago

    On the way out the door, I would inform André : “My mask hid my smile as I stiffed you on your tip, You’ll find the penny by my napkin. Too bad, I’m usually a 25 – 30% tipper.”

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    Rabies65  over 3 years ago

    Often the servers have no clue about pairings. Beware answers with the word “popular.”

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    Al Nala  over 3 years ago

    We’re leaving now.

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    john_chubb  over 3 years ago

    There is no “wrong wine” – drink what you like, even if it’s a sweet red wine.

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    mistercatworks  over 3 years ago

    Classically, waiters would have large mustaches to conceal their smirking.

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    rdublu  over 3 years ago

    He Literally just blew his cover!

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    Ermine Notyours  over 3 years ago

    The finest restaurants have straws so you can sip your wine with masks on.

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    vaughnrl2003 Premium Member over 3 years ago

    TMI. Just bring the grub Festus.

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    JosephShriver  over 3 years ago

    Do customers really wear a mask in a restaurant? What do you do with your mask as you are eating?

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    Mario500  over 3 years ago

    (imagines version of the cartoon involving its characters wearing transparent shields (or face shields) instead of “masks” for “FULL-DISCLOSURE DINING”)

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    jal333  over 3 years ago

    If you look at people’s face, they smile with their eyes! It’s amazing what we see/don’t see.

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    Vangoghdog01  over 3 years ago

    I guess I am a “Philistine” I prefer a dry, white Johannesburg Riesling. So, that is what I order with my steak.

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    Godfreydaniel  over 3 years ago

    Maybe I’m paranoid, maybe I deserve it, but I’ve wondered at LEAST six times before breakfast if waiters ever spit in my food……..I’d rather not take the chance just now.

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    Buckeye67  over 3 years ago

    Red with meat and white with chicken and fish, it’s no biggie.

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    Lablubber   over 3 years ago

    But “I don’t wanna wear a mask. My righhhts are being violated.” pairs well with anything.

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    psampson  over 3 years ago

    You know that big tip you were GOING to get, Andree?

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    57BelAir  over 3 years ago

    We are not expected to continue to wear the mask at the table. That’s why all the servers have to wear theirs.

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    DCBakerEsq  over 3 years ago

    I always outsmart the waiter by ordering beer. #PBR

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    theincrediblebulk  over 3 years ago

    I only like red wine. white wine is too dry for my taste, so i just pick a wine and ask the waiter to select what I’m eating since i don’t have a clue what the etiquette is.

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    Bicycle Dude  over 3 years ago

    Look at the eyes, if they sparkle, they’re smiling. :-)

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    LeslieAnn Premium Member over 3 years ago

    All snobbery etc. aside, the “right wine” paired with the “right food” magnificently enhances both.

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    bakana  over 3 years ago

    Where are the Virus Cones that are supposed to go over the tables while customers are chewing their overpriced entrees?

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    Sailor46 USN 65-95  over 3 years ago

    I find pair of wine and food quite easy, I eat food and I drink wine. How hard was that?

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