Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for July 10, 2020

A Vegan Paradise , indeed .

Remember your German:

Geh zum tofu.

They may have come in obese but they won’t stay that way

You may find yourself WISHING it was Tofu. Down there you probably “eat what you excrete”. YUCK!

Hey, if LIFE is hell, then what is Hell?

On the up side, they’ll be destroyed by the lava before they reach the buffet.

On a clear day you can soy forever.

Not much imagination compared to those old time preachers.

And rice cakes, don’t forget the rice cakes.

A bonus level when you die? Even in games, you still have to be alive before you can go to the next level.

The idea of Hell never made much sense to me. Burning fires, lakes of lava, torment of food and drink, physical tortures… and I can’t mention the sexual aspects. The part I don’t understand – you’re dead. I mean… the body no longer functions… that is what living was all about. All of the things people describe as Hell is all the stuff we have lived through or have lived in fear. But the moment you die those things go with the body. So… they would have no effect except the previous built-up fears. Either Hell is something completely different than our Forefathers could think up… or Hell does not exist.

I’ll go with the idea of hell being superstitious nonsense.

Dad gave me some “fat free” cheese slices 5 years ago. They’re still in the fridge looking like the day I put them in there. I’m afraid to put them in the garbage in case they should go into hazardous waste.

Burn fat like a champion, and watch those pounds melt away!

I’d rather be sent to Oblivion, then eat what’s on the Menu!

Remember to “Kiss The Cook”!

if tofu isn’t to your taste you can help yourself to all the oatmeal you like…

This is why I’m eating all the cheeseburgers and desserts that I can stuff in now.

It’ll be good for their cholesterol. that’ s what probably got them in heck in the first place. “Tripple Decker Heart Stopper.”

I bet the buffet in Hell doesn’t have sneeze guards, either!

I fear if I have the audacity to question the existence of hell, I may be sent there just to get the answer..

Oh Good. It doesn’t mention kale.

Hell is eternity (24/7 x FOREVER) standing (standing!) around singing Hosanna, Hosanna, Hosanna with a bunch of people who couldn’t carry a tune in a paper bag. No coffee breaks. No buffet. To a Supreme Being who only wants praise? (That sounds too familiar). All those pictures of people romping around on clouds with wings? PR.

There’s no foo like a tofu.

you all just keep on thinking that with your small metaphysical minds, good luck

It can’t be all that bad. I don’t see kale on the menu. Imagine what the flatulence would do with all that fire around.

On the bright side, at least it’s not low sodium.

I see bones and a skull. So, you’re dead, you’ve gone to Hell . . . and then you starve to death? Then come back around to Hell? Think I’ll go watch “Groundhog Day,” it’s perfect for the times.

It would be hell for me, I can’t have soy (tofu)

My idea of a Heavenly buffet, is lots of pssta, bread, potato dishes, hamburgers, chicken, French onion soup, and every dessert imaginable. You don’t get fat no matter how much you eat!

My wife is a nurse, she likes to cook and she’s a good cook. I think our marriage is based on the principle, “She likes to cook; I like to eat.”

She can make the good stuff taste good. We eat healthy. My issue is not with eating too much bad stuff, it’s with eating too much good stuff.

If you want to read a really good sf novel that gives a new view on both of those places, read “Job: A Comedy of Justice” by Robert Heinlein.

Good to see Drumpf,and Steven Miller still have jobs ;(

Great, finally find a Celiac friendly buffet and everything is made of tofu

Aww hell.

Thanks to Covid, it will be a very long time before we see buffets again.

it’s all in the mind….and was brainwashed into minds a long, long time ago as a control by humans over humans…don’t see how it’s any more depressing than the real ‘ashes to ashes, dust to dust, get where you’re going by eternal combustion’…the only afterlife is the generations coming after you…Mother Nature designed it that way

I once made a fat-free, gluten-free, tofu cake for friends. Everyone said how much they liked it; no one asked for a second piece (even though it was loaded with sugar).

So, there’s no cheese?

Just think how healthy we’ll be.

Alternate gag: Keep the same image (the guys are naked), except now it’s a wonder all-you-can-eat buffet with all the finest gluttonery ever imagined. But the sign reads “NO SHOES, NO SHIRTS, NO SERVICE”.

And all the other people will be Vegans and they will make sure you know that every single day.

Bet you didn’t think you’d open this can of worms. OR maybe you did.

As long as you’re still alive, things can always get worse.

At least they’re not serving Soylent Green.

But…but…it’s barbecue. An eternal buffet barbecue!

In hell, there’s always the option of eating your neighbor.

Neither the concept of heaven or hell make sense to me. You die, and somehow your soul – whatever that is that makes you ‘you’ – is still conscious and able to feel pain? Or, if you go to heaven, you… what? For all eternity? If my soul can still feel, then it can feel boredom.

“Anyone who would live on the Rim would go to Hell for a Vacation.”

— Commander John Grimes. [A. Bertram Chandler]

And I was thinkin’ to myself, this could be Heaven or this could be Hell…

Conversely, heaven sounds boring.

The probability that a god exists, let alone one who gives a rat’s ass about humans, is infintely small.

I love tofu; however, Heavenly Tofu only.

No worries, heaven and hell are both made up constructs to scare the gullible and control the fearful.

My one near death experience was simply nothing… one moment I was experiencing the crash and the next I was waking up in the middle of the desert I had crashed into… no lights, no other signs, just nothing, no experience at all. Far too many people are so scared of death that they have to make up something that makes it something to look forward too. As @Kveldulf said earlier in these same comments — “What happens to a person after death? Same as happens to a mosquito after swatting.”

I would never admit to anyone that I was so ignorant as to believe in any of that malarkey about heaven or hell or gods or devils or that I worshiped a device of agonizing torture as a symbol for a religion. Such death cults are an abomination and deserve to be mocked for the foolishness that they are.

Fat-free, gluten-free & made of tofu. Given the right seasonings, I can make a heavenly meal out of that.