Pat Oliphant for March 03, 2011

In the 90s we complained about Gingrich’s “Contract on America”. We just weren’t expecting “The Next Generation.”

Don’t knock it. This counrty needs Newt. And Glen, and Sean, and Rush, and anybody but NOBama.

^ If you threw Sarah and Ann on the list, you’d be approaching most of what’s wrong with the country.

jmattadams: it’s NOT a duck, it’s a penguin. Named Punk.

Meetin, what’s wrong with this country is that people like bob there actually believes the people he named cares even in the slightest about what’s good for the country as a whole.

Nudy Gingrinch strikes again.

Like most liberals misconstruing facts. Oliphant even misconstrues the image of a penquin!

^ There’s misconstruing facts, and then there’s just making up your own to suit your situation, like ‘most conservatives.”

“Don’t knock it. This counrty needs Newt. And Glen, and Sean, and Rush, ”

Someone has to keep the price of gold up.

Can’t, Obama took that prize already.

is he trying to become clinton?

^Because sex feels good! You should try some.

I remember sex…i just can’t remember which one of us gets tied up…

Why all the fuss over such a small thing?

^^^ Hot.

This story about Newt in the free tbt* newspaper, March 3, is kind of a tell-it-like-it-is story, the good and bad.

http://tampabaytimes.fl.newsmemory.com/ then go to page 24 then click on the story

Ignore it, it’ll go away.

Just tell him that America is afflicted with a cancer.

He’ll be in Canada by the weekend.

I’m constantly fascinated by Newt presenting himself as a kind of brilliant scholar, then spouting the most mind-numbing idiocies.

Newts are actually interesting animals. They’re amphibians but not frogs (assuming you aren’t joking, DrC), and they keep their tails once they reach maturity.

There are two main groups of newts, those that stay in or near water their whole lives, and those that pass through an almost purely terrestrial phase. As I said, they pass through the dry-land phase; they (some species) lose the frills on their tails (which provide aquatic propulsion), and look remarkably like lizards. Then, when they reach sexual maturity, new frills grow and they return to the water to mate.

So, unlike frogs and toads, they go through four distinct somatic stages, rather than three.

Ain’t zoology grand?

By the way, if you’re doing a crossword puzzle and the clue for a three-letter word is “Newt”, the answer will be “Eft.” They use it a lot. (Specifically, I believe “eft” refers to a terrestrial newt, in its land-living phase.)

Smoking more pot than Bill Clinton, committing more adultery than Bill Clinton, dodging the draft harder than Bill Clinton, it’s a coward, it’s an imbecile, it’s a bird and a plane, it’s NEWT!

Absolutely brilliant cartoon!

In so many ways it sums up the dilemma of US politics. (And let us not forget the meaning of “politics”: “poly” is Greek for “many,” and “ticks” are blood-sucking insects.) On the one hand, you’ve got the Democrats who are at best venal. So you go to throw those bums out and the only other choice is the Rethuglicans, who seem uniformly and thuggishly ignorant, morally depraved and/or just plain insane. We can laugh, or we can cry. Which?

The real problem, of course, is that almost anyone who seriously wants to hold political office, even mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, is ipso facto unfit for the job because they are obviously a megalomaniacal crazy. Decent, competent people don’t want the work for a host of reasons. Sadly for all, it’s pretty much been thus with politics for millennia, and no one’s come up with a good way to change it. Hence, we get parasites like Newter and his ilk, who love America the way a tick loves a dog.

And if you really want to be depressed, see Matt Taibbi’s most recent article in Rolling Stone. http://tinyurl.com/4smra54 We are so screwed.

jmattadams, Newenglandah: Yep, it’s supposed to be a penguin, and it is named Punk. I remember that guest appearance in Bloom County well – interestingly, considering the current political stories, Punk was hoping to replace Opus, who was on strike with the rest of the characters. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pat_Oliphant

So we put together a fair lottery (unlike the seventies draft lottery, that wasn’t random) and draft people for one term only, then they are released back to their lives.

What could possibly go wrong?

Oh, and the proper response to a flasher is to point and laugh, while leaving…

I’m becoming fonder and fonder of the ancient but nonviolent practice of shunning. And my list of shuns is growing.

pbarnrob: I’ve been arguing the lottery solution for years. Just like ancient Athens. I’d bet we’d get, by and large, better quality representatives than what we get now.