Tom Toles for March 29, 2020

Psht. He doesn’t need no steenking plan! He goes with his gut.

Shooting craps on the lawn. I would have suspected a more indoor activity for Donnie.

What would you expect a three dollar bill to roll?

Our PяesiDuиce is a homicidal maniac. He’s washed up, he’s done, and he knows it. Tяцmp has little left to lose at this point, so if he can’t have “nice things,” he’s the sort who will do everything in his remaining power to see to it that no one else has nice things, or anything at all. People have compared him to Hitler at the end in his bunker, ranting that Germany’s failure was entirely the fault of others and that consequently Germany itself deserved to fail. Could this Trumpidemic be worse than our Civil War? Certainly; more people could die…

The mad king says “Off with their eggs!”

Has he thought how he’s going to keep the kids six feet apart at the White House Easter Egg Roll???!!

On a standard die, the 4 and 3 wouldn’t be next to each other. Opposite die sides total seven. 1-6, 2-5 and 3-4 are all opposite each other. Today’s nit-picking has been brought to you by WaitingMan Industries, annoying know-it-all for over a half century.

Orange bunny brain bankrupt his own casino in Atlantic City. He definitely knows how to play the odds…

If the resident was in touch with reality, he would realize the importance of having a shutdown long enough to slow the spread until our capabilities can handle the load of the critically ill.

If a six-week vacation had been mandatory for large corporations a shutdown would just have been much easier to handle.

He’ll roll a one. ‘Cause he’s the one. And only. Thank God. Imagine there were two of him!!

The same enormous multitudes that were at his inauguration!

—) —) A Loose Imitation of “Easter Parade” (Apology to Irving Berlin)

“The Easter Charade”

Egg rolling on his lawn Trump had to stop;

And toy baskets with candy, and the Bunny Hop.

What else can he plan and play

For fun and laughs on Easter Day?

.

This pandemic that came from China, surely,

Spread here so fast and made gov’nors surly.

But Trump has it covered, the end’s in sight;

He and his crew fought a brilliant fight!

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So let us be cheerful, think happy images,

Wish this plague be gone, fewer politics scrimmages.

We’ll whip it beyond ev’ry expectation,

And enjoy this Easter’s celebration:

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So all the church pews go pack in,

Even Synagogues go right back in,

To give much thanks for winning over

Covid virus by Easter, Hurray!

.

And then New York’s parade will begin

With masks and hand wipes thrown in

Provided trash bins, no longer needed

By this next Easter Day!

.

In that parade, girls will stroll, so much prettier

Than somber experts who thought it wittier

To claim social distance must continue

Even past this Easter Day.

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On the Avenue,

Fifth Avenue,

Trump might shoot some nasty critics

And then have them dragged in ironic retinue.

.

Oh, I could write a lim’rick

“Bout his superior knowledge rubric,

That enables us to have

A great New York Easter Parade.

Republicans are playing Craps with the country, and losing.

He usually shoots crap(s) to the press from behind a podium.

…And we all know who this yoke is on.

Watching the movie ‘Contagion’ while reading the funnies. A movie about an unknown virus causing an epidemic. Definitely a fantasy, the federal government is effectively working to contain the threat.

With six you get eggroll, for Daddy Don and his 5 kids. Family fun!

Dummkopf!

On a wing and a prayer has been trumps entire philosophy.

Last Friday, I looked up a map of my state to find a county that had no reported cases of the Trump Plague. I had been self isolated for three weeks, so I felt like it was safe that I wouldn’t infect anyone, then drove 40 miles to the grocery store in that county. I’m 75 and have type A blood, so if you think that’s overreacting, I hope you’re right, but I doubt it. I got $200 worth of groceries, should last at least until the end of July.

Then, I noticed a pharmacy tech and asked her " Are there any cases reported here yet?" Her answer: “We wouldn’t know, we have some people we’d like to test, but we have to get the tests from either St Louis or Chicago, and they don’t have enough to test their own people.” So, if you think you are in a Trump Plague free zone, that may be just another one of his lies.

Crap dice for Trump !

I wonder who follows him around with a shovel and bag?

Should have been a 3.

“His plan is to roll a 14.”

Fourteen daze?

People are saying he can’t count above 13.

Einstein – “God doesn’t play dice with the universe”, Trump – “Hold my beer!”

Now I’m beginning to see how he could bankrupt a casino in Atlantic City.

The bats in “Pogo” were all notorious card cheats but were good-natured about it. I seem to recall once when a hand of seven aces lost to a hand of nine kings…….But for REAL dishonesty and lunacy, see Pongo instead of “Pogo”!

“His plan is to roll a fourteen” — or to pay someone to roll it for him.

Trump thinks he deserve a ten out of ten. I give him a seven. On the Bristol scale.

And that’s why his Casino went bankrupt: He kept betting on 14.

Incompetent imbecile Trump has announced that 200,000 American deaths is acceptable. China has over a billion people and they had 3,000 deaths.