FoxTrot Classics by Bill Amend for February 25, 2020

even if it takes a lifetime, Jason, good luck (you’ll need it)

can beat it by growing more mature. by the time he builds a time machine he will be married with kids

Jason has serious pride on staying immature. Like it really is something to be proud of. I swear, how can a kid so brilliant be so stupid.

Good luck.

The best way to beat it is acknowledge it and embrace it.

Yesterday

All Jason’s troubles seemed so far away

Now it looks as though they’re here to stay

Oh, He wishes it was yesterday

Suddenly

I’m not half the geek I used to be

There’s a valentine hanging over me

Oh, yesterday why can’t you be.

(apologies)

It’s been weeks and still it hasn’t died down.

Grasshopper needs to learn from a certain order of monks who were to have nothing to do with women. One day, two of them came to a river and where was a woman there who needed to cross. One of the monks picked her up and carried her across

Later that night when the monks were allowed to speak, the other monk asked his companion, “Why did you carry that woman?” To which the first monk replied. “I have put her down. You are still carrying her.”

Sometimes it is best to let things go.

The best way to deny a rumor is to confirm it.

My wife was taking flying lessons and, according to gossip in the flying club, having an affair with her instructor.

In the civilian world, when a student accomplishes a first solo flight, the tradition is to cut off the student’s shirt tail and write on it the student’s name, “First Solo,” date and have the instructor sign it and post it on the club wall.

The instructor and my wife agreed to use a pair of her panties she deliberately carried with her for the occasion. They were up there two days before we took them down. The rumors stopped immediately.

So I suggest Jason buy Eileen some flowers and have them delivered to her in her homeroom in front of the entire class.

Jason is willing to go all the way back to last week to reverse this horror.

Long ago, I bet my sister that I would never get married.

Some years later, I paid off… not because I had gotten married, but because I was no longer committed to it never happening.

Don’t worry, Jason. In this comic, Status Quo Is God. Once the arc is over, it’ll be as if nothing had happened.

Wish someone would beat him! Can we move on with this please???