Phoebe and Her Unicorn by Dana Simpson for December 11, 2019

There was a joke in a Diary of a Wimpy kid book with Greg getting every high score in one of those fitness video games simply by holding the controller in his hand instead of his pocket. He thought better of confessing after seeing how much exercise his mom was getting trying to reach those numbers.

It’s interesting how even though a tail is practically universal among most vertebrates, we tailless humans can’t comprehend the idea of having one and being able to control it.

Do you think snakes have difficulty comprehending having legs? Or that birds have no idea what having teeth and lips is like?

Unicorns cheat at things? This is clearly unheard of!

Don’t you just love the tail wagging?

This is the second time Phoebe has had a tail. I bet the next time she’ll ask for it to be permanent.

I’m not jealous of their tails and am offended at the insinuation anyone makes about me being so.

And it increases butt views, too, apparently.

She still has her Goblin tail?!

“These things are just the best!”

One moment later the spell wears off and her tail goes POOF!

“Awwwww!”

Is it too weird to say I’ve always thought having one would be cool?

Humans invented the cheating at step counting a LONG time before this.

I take my step counter to the hardware store and hook it up to the paint can shaker. Give it a nervous breakdown.

One Halloween at the call center where I worked for some time, I added a tail as my costume and was completely casual about it, as if it wasn’t there. Drove people insane.

Careful Phoebe, mom might decide to put you to work dusting the furniture.

By unicorn logic… if a Unicorn thought of it, it can’t be wrong.

The SCWAFFINS needs to be attached to the leg of an equine – probably around the gaskin or forearm – not the tail.

The way Phoebe’s tail is drawn makes me think she could make a living digging ditches…

Hope that tail is gone before she has to go back to school.

She really likes that tail.

I know, right? I wear a tail. It needs sewing but I don’t care. I don’t even take it off when I go swimming. ALL HUMANS NEED TAILS