Once when I was a kid, we got a series of wrong numbers at supper time from teenage boys calling and asking to speak to some girl. My dad answered the phone and he responded, “Oh, she broke her leg and we had to shoot her”. Not long after that we stopped getting wrong numbers at supper time.
Next time, Richard Rat should say, “You painted what? My God, I didn’t want it painted at all! My instructions were to go around back and paint my porch!”
An unemployed guy goes around a neighbourhood looking for odd jobs. At one house he calls on, the owner says, yeah, I could use some help, my porch needs painting and I haven’t got time. You think you can do that? The paint is out back in the garage, beside the car.
The guy gets the job done and knocks on the door again: “All finished.”
“What, already?” says the owner.
“Yep, gave it two coats. Oh, and by the way, it’s a Mercedes, not a Porch.”
Pretty nasty thing to do to an innocent caller who happened to misdial (no one’s perfect!), and an even worse thing to do to the owner of the car. It doesn’t do anything to the thousands of spammers, scammers, and robocallers who are targeting us. But then, Rat’s a rat.
My phone number in Oakland ended in 3754, Dave’s pizzeria was 3755. If someone called after 10 pm, I’d tell them “Yeah, we’re open until 2.” Pre-delivery by everyone era.
Reminds me of the old joke about the guy that hired a wino to paint his porch. When finished he knocks on the door to get paid and to thank the man for the work. On leaving he tells the owner, “By the way, that isn’t a Porsche, it’s a Mercedes.”
Had a wedding planner call me once. Her clients apparently gave my number as the contact number on a signed contract. It wasn’t a wrong number either, as the planner read the number back to me and it most definitely was mine. I didn’t succumb to the temptation but oh could I have had fun…
We regularly get calls for the local Panera, which is one digit off from our numbers. That’s not so bad. But one day, I got a voicemail from some doctor’s office trying to reach someone, and the number they left was worse than useless.
One time someone gave me a wrong number, which turned out to be a pay phone at a restaurant. The employee answering it was not happy. So I carefully looked at the number again, and dialed again, and the employee was even more mad this time.
I just found out yesterday that numbers assigned to pay phones at the time had a 9 in the first position of the last four digits. This is because 9 was the hardest number for operators to dial, so they wanted to park it onto phones that are rarely dialed to. It also took care of callers who tried to charge long distance numbers to a pay phone.
So I really want to know – what’s up with eliminating the Crocs? The best PBS strips included the Crocs! Did the PC police call for their demise or just what?
This retired Ma-Bell mid-manager would charge only a finder’s fee to determine the accidental called number. Then a minimum charge to remove the dots by driving the car through Rat’s house.
I’ve heard stories of my old man as a teen answering the phone, typically thinking it was one of his friends and trying to get a chuckle out of them. The funniest one…. well first off my grandmother was working in a Catholic hospital at the time so how dad answered was a bit of a no no. “Hello Bob’s abortion clinic. You ******* ‘em, we’ll scrape ’em.” A half a heart beat as he’s going ah ****** in his head and then “Hello Mother Superior, yes I’ll get her.” Needless to say grandma was mortified that dad had said that bit to the Mother Superior and I bet at the time she tanned his hide for it. Years later she could laugh about it without saying what he said, only that it was the Mother Superior on the other end of the line and that what he’d said had really caused her to hesitate a little.
My brother answered my Mom’s phone. People thought they had Pizza Hut. He took their order. They asked how much. He said $10. They said why so cheap. He said because they are day old pizzas. He did tell them they had the wrong number.
One of the pizza chains always gets the phone number areaexchange3232 if they possibly can. Where my mother lived, when they came to town, therefore, they tried to buy her phone number from her by offering her free pizza for a year. She, correctly realizing that her phone number was worth more than all their pizza she would eat (none), turned them down. As a result, she usually got two or three calls a night trying to order pizza. She was polite if they called once, and factual if they called twice (as far too many of them did). And downright scathing if they called three times. Once, when several sibs were visiting, my sister answerd. She politely said they had a wrong number. They called back within 15 seconds and she said “Dominos!† How can I help you?”… we were all listening… after a few moments she said “Yes, we can do that. About half an hour. If you pick it up yourself, we’ll give you a second one free! … Yes, we are running a promotion… Absolutely! Please tell them that Gretchen took your order. Thank you for calling Dominos!†”
We were all rolling around on the floor, laughing by then. Though imagining the scene half an hour later was the best part.
† I really don’t recall if it was Dominos or some other chain. Like my mother, I don’t eat that kind of pizza, so the name didn’t stick.
BE THIS GUY over 4 years ago
What color polka dots?
Templo S.U.D. over 4 years ago
The real Richard is not going to be happy.
B UTTONS over 4 years ago
Rat has a point.
Next time a telemarketing person call, he should sell them something equally worthless.
kaffekup over 4 years ago
“No, that’ll do. Just drop it off at this address…”
sirbadger over 4 years ago
The good news is that we all ready did that due to a paint flinging accident.
Renatus Profuturus Frigeridus Premium Member over 4 years ago
No pun with Gere ?
Martin I over 4 years ago
I would have asked for plaid
Major Matt Mason Premium Member over 4 years ago
Q: What’s the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche?
Sherlock Watson over 4 years ago
In the movie “Ruthless People,” Danny Devito has another way to enjoy wrong numbers:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVLNs3QsV48
Nachikethass over 4 years ago
Stephan must have a sad, curmudgeonly life! Maybe Christmas will bring some change!
Lyons Group, Inc. over 4 years ago
Although two wrongs don’t make a right, it could teach that person a lesson next time.
MrFixit over 4 years ago
Once when I was a kid, we got a series of wrong numbers at supper time from teenage boys calling and asking to speak to some girl. My dad answered the phone and he responded, “Oh, she broke her leg and we had to shoot her”. Not long after that we stopped getting wrong numbers at supper time.
jimmjonzz Premium Member over 4 years ago
Next time, Richard Rat should say, “You painted what? My God, I didn’t want it painted at all! My instructions were to go around back and paint my porch!”
blunebottle over 4 years ago
Reminds me of this one:
An unemployed guy goes around a neighbourhood looking for odd jobs. At one house he calls on, the owner says, yeah, I could use some help, my porch needs painting and I haven’t got time. You think you can do that? The paint is out back in the garage, beside the car.
The guy gets the job done and knocks on the door again: “All finished.”
“What, already?” says the owner.
“Yep, gave it two coats. Oh, and by the way, it’s a Mercedes, not a Porch.”
Breadboard over 4 years ago
Is this the party to whom I’m speaking ? …. Croc Power !
Troglodyte over 4 years ago
Now there’s a Porsche that could be easily spotted! :D
gsawyer101 over 4 years ago
Might want to use Janis Joplin’s Porsche as a model. https://money.cnn.com/2015/12/10/luxury/janis-joplin-porsche-auction/
some idiot from R'lyeh Premium Member over 4 years ago
I’m curious to know if an actual crime is being committed here.
Other than the one against fashion, of course.
jpayne4040 over 4 years ago
I would do something like that, but then say, “Just kidding. You’ve got the wrong number” to end the conversation.
zerotvus over 4 years ago
is Debbie there????
The Brooklyn Accent over 4 years ago
Pretty nasty thing to do to an innocent caller who happened to misdial (no one’s perfect!), and an even worse thing to do to the owner of the car. It doesn’t do anything to the thousands of spammers, scammers, and robocallers who are targeting us. But then, Rat’s a rat.
david_42 over 4 years ago
My phone number in Oakland ended in 3754, Dave’s pizzeria was 3755. If someone called after 10 pm, I’d tell them “Yeah, we’re open until 2.” Pre-delivery by everyone era.
Zebrastripes over 4 years ago
OY! RAT sure lives up to his name
Egrayjames over 4 years ago
Reminds me of the old joke about the guy that hired a wino to paint his porch. When finished he knocks on the door to get paid and to thank the man for the work. On leaving he tells the owner, “By the way, that isn’t a Porsche, it’s a Mercedes.”
Snolep over 4 years ago
Messing with Porsche will cost you a pound of flesh.
SusieB over 4 years ago
Love it! Maybe I’ll do this next time I get a wrong number
JudyAz over 4 years ago
“This is HE”
Ellis97 over 4 years ago
That dirty rat.
jmccarthy89 over 4 years ago
Is Stephan rebelling against the grammatically correct “this is he?”
StephenJokela1 over 4 years ago
See Dick Drive…
AaronHayes over 4 years ago
Now I know how to respond to wrong numbers. Thanks, Rat!
EowynWolfmoon over 4 years ago
Had a wedding planner call me once. Her clients apparently gave my number as the contact number on a signed contract. It wasn’t a wrong number either, as the planner read the number back to me and it most definitely was mine. I didn’t succumb to the temptation but oh could I have had fun…
AZPhinFan over 4 years ago
Now I’m waiting for the next wrong number call…..hehe
Agapostemon over 4 years ago
We regularly get calls for the local Panera, which is one digit off from our numbers. That’s not so bad. But one day, I got a voicemail from some doctor’s office trying to reach someone, and the number they left was worse than useless.
claudia.sawyer over 4 years ago
I used to be 1 digit off from an Arbys. 1 #$%^ kept calling back insisting that I was Arbys.
Ermine Notyours over 4 years ago
One time someone gave me a wrong number, which turned out to be a pay phone at a restaurant. The employee answering it was not happy. So I carefully looked at the number again, and dialed again, and the employee was even more mad this time.
I just found out yesterday that numbers assigned to pay phones at the time had a 9 in the first position of the last four digits. This is because 9 was the hardest number for operators to dial, so they wanted to park it onto phones that are rarely dialed to. It also took care of callers who tried to charge long distance numbers to a pay phone.
bobparker over 4 years ago
So I really want to know – what’s up with eliminating the Crocs? The best PBS strips included the Crocs! Did the PC police call for their demise or just what?
Herb L 1954 over 4 years ago
What a Dick Rat is ;)
Seed_drill over 4 years ago
What was that movie where they stole a jerk’s Porsche and painted flames on it and jacked up the rear end before returning to him.
TomMoses over 4 years ago
I would have told them to paint “MAGA” in red on both doors……It would certainly ensure repeat business for the body shop
Bicycle Dude over 4 years ago
I’m going to try this misdirect on the next wrong number or Robocall.
JudyAz over 4 years ago
Try answering, “Joe’s Morgue, free gift wrap this week!”
zeexenon over 4 years ago
This retired Ma-Bell mid-manager would charge only a finder’s fee to determine the accidental called number. Then a minimum charge to remove the dots by driving the car through Rat’s house.
dlaemmerhirt999 over 4 years ago
Rat is Chatic Evil without a doubt.
knight1192a over 4 years ago
I’ve heard stories of my old man as a teen answering the phone, typically thinking it was one of his friends and trying to get a chuckle out of them. The funniest one…. well first off my grandmother was working in a Catholic hospital at the time so how dad answered was a bit of a no no. “Hello Bob’s abortion clinic. You ******* ‘em, we’ll scrape ’em.” A half a heart beat as he’s going ah ****** in his head and then “Hello Mother Superior, yes I’ll get her.” Needless to say grandma was mortified that dad had said that bit to the Mother Superior and I bet at the time she tanned his hide for it. Years later she could laugh about it without saying what he said, only that it was the Mother Superior on the other end of the line and that what he’d said had really caused her to hesitate a little.
tomems8 over 4 years ago
My brother answered my Mom’s phone. People thought they had Pizza Hut. He took their order. They asked how much. He said $10. They said why so cheap. He said because they are day old pizzas. He did tell them they had the wrong number.
Concretionist over 4 years ago
One of the pizza chains always gets the phone number area exchange 3232 if they possibly can. Where my mother lived, when they came to town, therefore, they tried to buy her phone number from her by offering her free pizza for a year. She, correctly realizing that her phone number was worth more than all their pizza she would eat (none), turned them down. As a result, she usually got two or three calls a night trying to order pizza. She was polite if they called once, and factual if they called twice (as far too many of them did). And downright scathing if they called three times. Once, when several sibs were visiting, my sister answerd. She politely said they had a wrong number. They called back within 15 seconds and she said “Dominos!† How can I help you?”… we were all listening… after a few moments she said “Yes, we can do that. About half an hour. If you pick it up yourself, we’ll give you a second one free! … Yes, we are running a promotion… Absolutely! Please tell them that Gretchen took your order. Thank you for calling Dominos!†”
We were all rolling around on the floor, laughing by then. Though imagining the scene half an hour later was the best part.
† I really don’t recall if it was Dominos or some other chain. Like my mother, I don’t eat that kind of pizza, so the name didn’t stick.
Sisyphos over 4 years ago
Rat’s system is naughty, but far more fun than Goat’s….
dwkiser28603 over 4 years ago
Oh I HAVE TO DO THAT SOMETIME!
liberalnlovinit over 4 years ago
Ummmmm, call history?
A random Pearls Before Swine & Big Nate commenter about 3 years ago
400th like!
Josequeen over 2 years ago
Maybe rat’s name is Richard.