Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for October 17, 2019

The bank doesn’t have to worry about a lawsuit with Goat as their star witness.

Plus interruptions: “We value your call, and will be with you in the order received” “Have you looked into our high rate CDs”? “Go paperless with our App>”

Grrr. It should be “in the order in which it was received!!” Having to listen to that transgression makes holding even worse.

“You are caller 57.” 5 minutes later: “You are caller 56” 7 minutes later: “you are caller 45” 3 minutes later: “you are caller 73” And so it goes.

customer service (at a bank or any other hotline) sure is no easy business

I have actually called my primary care medical person, been put on hold, driven (a little over 5 minutes) to the clinic, walked in (another 2 or 3), stopped at the desk and asked my question, made my decision, and left. While still on hold. I then left and drove home. Still on hold. I then hung up and called another clinic, where I now have a PCP whose staff actually picks up the phone when it rings.

Worse?

Two negatives equal a positive, meaning …

Rat is finally sane.

You probably shouldn’t trust the same corporation that screwed over Wile E. Coyote with your finances Rat.

your money is ours, and we treat you like we own you.

The repetition of announcements on the wait line has sometimes resulted in my profaning their jingle and altering their offers. I tell them I have something to offer them, and I laugh a Bela Lugosi laugh!

When put on hold I just turn on the external speaker and work on something else until a human says “How May I Help You Today” …. Croc Power !

I am currently having an issue with a bank-issued Master Card. Called number on card last Saturxay. After a long hold, answered a lot of ‘security questions’. Back on hold. Told there was a problem with the card’s ‘parameters’. Given another number, but office won’t be open until Tuesday. Wait, call, hold. Answer ‘security’ questions. Hold again. More ‘security questions’ about on-line login, amount of last payment. I refused to answer more questions. I suggested that she imagine that I wasn’t actually the card-holder. Then imagine that since she knew that the card had been recently activated and wasn’t working, the actual card-holder would appreciate having it fixed. She hung up. Next day, I went to the bank. Found out that the problem is widespread, MC has known about it a while, and has tried at least one fix which didn’t solve the problem. They could have saved me a lot of time if their ‘recently changed’ menu had included “If you newly activated card has been declined for no apparent reason, we are working on the problem. Please hang up.”

Now we know who was financing Wile E Coyote’s misadventures.

“Thank you for calling. We value your business, and your call will be ignored in the order it was received….”

My father told me years ago about being placed on hold by some bank or other big institution whose concept of appropriate “music on hold” apparently was inspired by ice-cream trucks.

At Acme Bank, our interest rates plummet faster than a 500 pound anvil tossed into a 10,000-feet deep canyon.

I’ve had to deal with my state’s unemployment office in the past. Their hold music is what sounds like a thirty year MIDI file version of Fur Elise. It’s maddening. (And as you might guess, unemployment offices do not have short hold times.)

Made worse still when played ad nauseum over a little bitty speaker. Try making up lyrics and singing along: “this music is the worst, but we don’t care. You need us and we don’t need you”

If you hear a jingling in your head, it can certainly drive you bonkers!

Those big businesses are always putting you on hold.

I called Amtrak, after 40 minutes of being told how important my call was I hung up and got an airplane ticket.

I’ve been trying to make a dental appointment, on hold 20 minutes, disconnectec. Three times. Kaiser has the dental office integrated into their phone tree, but not the website appointment system. Go figure. Guess I need to drive over to the office.

I used to work as an after-hours on-call representative for a home healthcare company. I would frequently call back to the messaging center at 1:00 AM and be on hold for several minutes. The hold music was one of the industry standards (I think slow-tempo flute music). At least a couple of times, I fell asleep waiting for someone to answer. In fact, to this day, that hold music makes me sleepy.

When I called my PCP, they put me on hold. The hold music included “Don’t Fear The Reaper”

Omg! Try being on the phone for three hrs to fix a hacked computer…..I’m insane and over the edge

You know a couple of people here have mentioned their PCP, and I’m thinking “angel dust”. Clearly there is something wrong with me… need more coffee

What did you expect from a bank endorsed by Wyle E. Coyote?

I am a man with specific training and talent. I am a phone and network expert. I am offering to come in, find, remove, and destroy your hold music system to where nobody will be tempted to reconnect it again. I charge extra if the IT department wants to help, but they have never objected to paying. Consider my offer seriously. I await your response.

The more times I hear the recording, “Your call is important to us, please stay on the line”, the less convinced I am that my call really is important to them. When they interrupt whatever music they’re playing with that recording every 30 seconds, and every time the music stops and you think someone is really going to start talking, you really are going to go insane after 38 minutes.

Rat is type that blames anyone and everyone for his problems

Now I’m insaner.

The same thing happened to me this week. I used Car2Go for the first time in years, and I thought I gave them my most recent credit card information. I didn’t, so I belatedly entered in to their system. I thought it took, but they wouldn’t accept payment for my use a few weeks ago until I called them. They have the same five second modern rock jingle played over and over again for the hold music. Luckily I only had to hear it a few times. Geeze, guys, fix your website so I don’t have to bother your expensive customer service reps.

Another time I took my dad to an art supply store so he could shop. I was there a while and I noticed their background music is a generic soft rock song that rises to a crescendo and then back down, with no beginning and no end. They accidentally were playing hold music as background shopping music, and I was stuck listening to it for longer than I wanted to.

Insurance said, “Sorry, preexisting condition!”

Rat has a valid point: most “hold” music is insufferable.

I sat in a doctor’s office and saw the receptionist put people on hold and told people as they came in that she would be with them when she got caught up. Then she called her insurance company to renew her car insurance. I walked out. They don’t miss me.

Well, now, it’s true. Acme is into everything.

whenever i say “this drive me nuts” my wife always quickly reminds me that i already am nuts…

Sane Rat. Insane Rat. What, there’s a difference?!

Ah-HA! So Rat finally admits to being insane. It’s been a long time coming, hasn’t it?

Join the club, my friend. I (we) have been waiting for you …

how could he be more insane