Shoot, it takes time – sometimes years – to fill even one more inch. But it’s all part of the process of becoming an adult. It teaches some things, like patience, persistence, dealing with frustration, and learning how to compensate by becoming a person people like regardless of height.
My grandmother (at 4’ 10", 87 lb) and my mother (at 5’ 0", 98 lb) both had the property that when either of them walked into a room, people noticed. They courteously stepped out of the way and side conversations died, not because either of them demanded to be the center of attention, but because people seemed instinctively to understand and accept by consensus that here was someone to whom they needed to pay attention.
Part of that was because both of them held a complete conviction that a major part of life consists of having empathy for other, and another major part is the willingness to listen and seek the middle ground … instead of being self-absorbed, self-centered, and determined to win at all costs.
At a social gathering, everything was going wrong in the kitchen – and I mean everything. Food spilled, dishes and pans dropped, sinks overflowing, mixer jammed, dishwasher wouldn’t, ‘fresh’ food coming from the fridge tainted or outright spoiled, you name it. We could hear the hubbub from the kitchen out across a 45 foot dining area. Grandmother sent me to see what was going on, and met me at the door as I returned to describe it.
She shook her head at my description of chaos, people shouting blame and orders, and said “We’ll see about that.” Two seconds after she walked into the kitchen, there was complete silence. She met the eyes of a man, nodded, and he turned and went to start dealing with one problem. Again, with a woman – same result. That continued, and she never spoke a word. In 5 minutes the kitchen was functioning again.
We need to teach our kids that, not how to excel or be winners. Self control is a sparkling gem.
For instance, my son does standup comedy. You’d have to judge for yourself if you think he’s humorous. The routine he does about me, though, seems to be the one that routinely is a show-stopper. He has made use of one of my (in-family) trademark expressions to build his routine.
“My dad … God, I love him! … has this peculiar expression. He was borne at the end of World War II, and the family didn’t have much. They made do. Very little ever got thrown away. Table leavings and bones from a chicken dinner got made into chicken-rice soup. Stale bread became the pan liner for a baked egg dish. Or croutons to go into the soup.
“And Daddy would look at something one of us kids wanted to throw away and say, ’It’s perfectly good.’ A bike with a busted rim – ‘Replace that wheel and it’s perfectly good.’ A pair of pajama pants (or a shirt, or a skirt) with a torn seam? He’d stitch it on the sewing machine and hand it back saying, ‘There now. It’s perfectly good.’
“That extended to some odd things. Dropped an ice cream cone? He’d snatch it up, whisk off any dirt and hand it back. ‘See? It’s perfectly good.’ When I was nine, one morning I caught him at the fridge. He wanted to make an omelette for me, and that needed cheese. But the cheese had mold on it. Whipping out a paring knife, he sliced the mold off into the sink and started slicing the cheese to go into the egg batter.
“I said, "Dad! That cheese is spoiled. It’s had mold all over it!’ And he looked at me and said ‘Son, cheese is cured with a mold rind. They cut it off before packaging it. If you cut off the mold, it’s perfectly good!’ I said, ‘If you put that in the eggs, I’m not eating it.’ He dropped his eyes, shook his head, and went on making the eggs with the cheese. I refused to eat any of it. He smiled, sat and ate it all with obvious relish, and then got up and cleared the table. An hour later, he came to me. ‘See? I didn’t get sick. It was perfectly good.’
Recently, though, he told me he has learned to appreciate my frugal nature. Me, after hearing his routine? I’m so proud that he managed to take something that at the time seemed to him to be a negative experience, turn it upside down, and find the gold nugget inside it. My son? Just in my humble opinion, he’s …
One last thought, a heads-up for parents. In this country, our daughters are in particular peril, although our sons are not immune to the situation by any means. I refer to the prevalence of self-imposed shaming. Girls in particular are prone to finding overwhelming fault with themselves, comparing themselves to unrealistic ideals. Will they be tall enough? Or too tall? Too skinny or fat? What about hair color, or eye color, or skin color, or eye shape or face shape or … What’s the one way to look that’s right? "If I don’t look right, no one will like me!
This has been expanded tremendously by the availability and (constant!) use of social media. Girls today go into social media and see the supposed ‘perfect’ lives that their media ‘friends’ live, and plunge headlong into despair when anything goes wrong for them. One 17-year-old I overheard on commuter train was saying to a friend beside her that she could not stand the shame of having not at least equaled a third girl’s record of ‘perfection’.
They seem to have no idea that the ‘perfect’ girls have their problems and fears too. Far too many of our daughters and granddaughters are suffering from severe depression engendered because they are chasing unreal expectations for themselves and see no hope of ever being ‘normal’, according to the dictates of Twitter or Facebook. Like they ever needed to.
By the way, in a recent interview, a former swindler was asked how he would start to find a mark to swindle. His reply? “I’d go first to Facebook. That’s the easiest. Everyone puts everything out there. If it’s not in their postings, breaking into an account and stealing their personal info is a snap. I can get into anyone’s Facebook account in about 15 seconds. I’ve seen kids post their (or parents) bank info and passwords.”
Please, cancel the social media accounts on their phones. If they won’t let you, stop the phone account. Get them to talk face to face.
I know four families where the moms, terrified that their daughters would not be ‘liked’ sufficiently to feel like ‘winners’, have paid out thousands of dollars in cash to “media engineers”. What’s that? That, dear heart, is a person who takes over your media accounts, to whom you willingly send all your posts, who then creatively edits them and adds ‘perfect’ images so your (social media) life becomes ‘perfect’. It’s the only way to compete, after all.
What has been the upshot? Two of the five daughters have committed suicide, and a third one (younger sister) is in a mental health ward, convinced and terrified that she is doomed to repeat her sister’s mistakes. The other two are in counseling. Why?
All five girls had extreme difficulties trying to keep up the pretense at school and in any casual social situations.
This is nonsense. It’s akin to giving a 10-year-old girl a c-cup breast augmentation because of parental fears that she won’t be liked by the boys.
Yet it is real.
In 2017, the latest year of statistics published so far by the government, more US girls aged 10 – 14 died from suicide in just that one year than all the students (both sexes) who have died in the US in school shootings since 1734. That’s not counting the ones aged 15 – 19, for whom there are no separate statistics (the published age range is 15 – 25). That upper teen/lower 20s is the most likely age for kids to commit suicide; the rate doubles.
Why are we not screaming for the government to force cell phone makers and social media operators to restrict this kind of abuse?
Yes it does take awhile and a previously stated sometimes never. Stuck with being short here-always wanted at least 3 more inches-seventy-two and have never come to terms with 5’1". Can’t rach things or see over anyone’s head. Those always stand in front of me!
Please remember it’s not easy for young boys today either. Many lack father figures and male role models and find themselves at a loss as to how to become good men as they grow up. If you look for a book featuring a boy as the positive main character you’ll be hard pressed to find one unless you find an older book. These days ALL the Disney heroes are girls and the boys are portrayed as either stupid or mean. Not fair!!! Nothing wrong with promoting positive role models for our girls but let’s encourage our boys to be strong, brave and smart, just as we are doing our girls.
SrTechWriter over 4 years ago
Shoot, it takes time – sometimes years – to fill even one more inch. But it’s all part of the process of becoming an adult. It teaches some things, like patience, persistence, dealing with frustration, and learning how to compensate by becoming a person people like regardless of height.
My grandmother (at 4’ 10", 87 lb) and my mother (at 5’ 0", 98 lb) both had the property that when either of them walked into a room, people noticed. They courteously stepped out of the way and side conversations died, not because either of them demanded to be the center of attention, but because people seemed instinctively to understand and accept by consensus that here was someone to whom they needed to pay attention.
Part of that was because both of them held a complete conviction that a major part of life consists of having empathy for other, and another major part is the willingness to listen and seek the middle ground … instead of being self-absorbed, self-centered, and determined to win at all costs.
At a social gathering, everything was going wrong in the kitchen – and I mean everything. Food spilled, dishes and pans dropped, sinks overflowing, mixer jammed, dishwasher wouldn’t, ‘fresh’ food coming from the fridge tainted or outright spoiled, you name it. We could hear the hubbub from the kitchen out across a 45 foot dining area. Grandmother sent me to see what was going on, and met me at the door as I returned to describe it.
She shook her head at my description of chaos, people shouting blame and orders, and said “We’ll see about that.” Two seconds after she walked into the kitchen, there was complete silence. She met the eyes of a man, nodded, and he turned and went to start dealing with one problem. Again, with a woman – same result. That continued, and she never spoke a word. In 5 minutes the kitchen was functioning again.
We need to teach our kids that, not how to excel or be winners. Self control is a sparkling gem.
SrTechWriter over 4 years ago
For instance, my son does standup comedy. You’d have to judge for yourself if you think he’s humorous. The routine he does about me, though, seems to be the one that routinely is a show-stopper. He has made use of one of my (in-family) trademark expressions to build his routine.
“My dad … God, I love him! … has this peculiar expression. He was borne at the end of World War II, and the family didn’t have much. They made do. Very little ever got thrown away. Table leavings and bones from a chicken dinner got made into chicken-rice soup. Stale bread became the pan liner for a baked egg dish. Or croutons to go into the soup.
“And Daddy would look at something one of us kids wanted to throw away and say, ’It’s perfectly good.’ A bike with a busted rim – ‘Replace that wheel and it’s perfectly good.’ A pair of pajama pants (or a shirt, or a skirt) with a torn seam? He’d stitch it on the sewing machine and hand it back saying, ‘There now. It’s perfectly good.’
“That extended to some odd things. Dropped an ice cream cone? He’d snatch it up, whisk off any dirt and hand it back. ‘See? It’s perfectly good.’ When I was nine, one morning I caught him at the fridge. He wanted to make an omelette for me, and that needed cheese. But the cheese had mold on it. Whipping out a paring knife, he sliced the mold off into the sink and started slicing the cheese to go into the egg batter.
“I said, "Dad! That cheese is spoiled. It’s had mold all over it!’ And he looked at me and said ‘Son, cheese is cured with a mold rind. They cut it off before packaging it. If you cut off the mold, it’s perfectly good!’ I said, ‘If you put that in the eggs, I’m not eating it.’ He dropped his eyes, shook his head, and went on making the eggs with the cheese. I refused to eat any of it. He smiled, sat and ate it all with obvious relish, and then got up and cleared the table. An hour later, he came to me. ‘See? I didn’t get sick. It was perfectly good.’
SrTechWriter over 4 years ago
Recently, though, he told me he has learned to appreciate my frugal nature. Me, after hearing his routine? I’m so proud that he managed to take something that at the time seemed to him to be a negative experience, turn it upside down, and find the gold nugget inside it. My son? Just in my humble opinion, he’s …
That’s right …
Perfectly good.
SrTechWriter over 4 years ago
One last thought, a heads-up for parents. In this country, our daughters are in particular peril, although our sons are not immune to the situation by any means. I refer to the prevalence of self-imposed shaming. Girls in particular are prone to finding overwhelming fault with themselves, comparing themselves to unrealistic ideals. Will they be tall enough? Or too tall? Too skinny or fat? What about hair color, or eye color, or skin color, or eye shape or face shape or … What’s the one way to look that’s right? "If I don’t look right, no one will like me!
This has been expanded tremendously by the availability and (constant!) use of social media. Girls today go into social media and see the supposed ‘perfect’ lives that their media ‘friends’ live, and plunge headlong into despair when anything goes wrong for them. One 17-year-old I overheard on commuter train was saying to a friend beside her that she could not stand the shame of having not at least equaled a third girl’s record of ‘perfection’.
They seem to have no idea that the ‘perfect’ girls have their problems and fears too. Far too many of our daughters and granddaughters are suffering from severe depression engendered because they are chasing unreal expectations for themselves and see no hope of ever being ‘normal’, according to the dictates of Twitter or Facebook. Like they ever needed to.
By the way, in a recent interview, a former swindler was asked how he would start to find a mark to swindle. His reply? “I’d go first to Facebook. That’s the easiest. Everyone puts everything out there. If it’s not in their postings, breaking into an account and stealing their personal info is a snap. I can get into anyone’s Facebook account in about 15 seconds. I’ve seen kids post their (or parents) bank info and passwords.”
Please, cancel the social media accounts on their phones. If they won’t let you, stop the phone account. Get them to talk face to face.
SrTechWriter over 4 years ago
What’s the flip side?
I know four families where the moms, terrified that their daughters would not be ‘liked’ sufficiently to feel like ‘winners’, have paid out thousands of dollars in cash to “media engineers”. What’s that? That, dear heart, is a person who takes over your media accounts, to whom you willingly send all your posts, who then creatively edits them and adds ‘perfect’ images so your (social media) life becomes ‘perfect’. It’s the only way to compete, after all.
What has been the upshot? Two of the five daughters have committed suicide, and a third one (younger sister) is in a mental health ward, convinced and terrified that she is doomed to repeat her sister’s mistakes. The other two are in counseling. Why?
All five girls had extreme difficulties trying to keep up the pretense at school and in any casual social situations.
This is nonsense. It’s akin to giving a 10-year-old girl a c-cup breast augmentation because of parental fears that she won’t be liked by the boys.
Yet it is real.
In 2017, the latest year of statistics published so far by the government, more US girls aged 10 – 14 died from suicide in just that one year than all the students (both sexes) who have died in the US in school shootings since 1734. That’s not counting the ones aged 15 – 19, for whom there are no separate statistics (the published age range is 15 – 25). That upper teen/lower 20s is the most likely age for kids to commit suicide; the rate doubles.
Why are we not screaming for the government to force cell phone makers and social media operators to restrict this kind of abuse?
verticallychallenged Premium Member over 4 years ago
Some of us never fill the height of a full-length mirror; the width, on the other hand…
jagedlo over 4 years ago
A nice follow-up to yesterday’s strip
kathleenhicks62 over 4 years ago
Yes it does take awhile and a previously stated sometimes never. Stuck with being short here-always wanted at least 3 more inches-seventy-two and have never come to terms with 5’1". Can’t rach things or see over anyone’s head. Those always stand in front of me!
eladee AKA Wally over 4 years ago
Please remember it’s not easy for young boys today either. Many lack father figures and male role models and find themselves at a loss as to how to become good men as they grow up. If you look for a book featuring a boy as the positive main character you’ll be hard pressed to find one unless you find an older book. These days ALL the Disney heroes are girls and the boys are portrayed as either stupid or mean. Not fair!!! Nothing wrong with promoting positive role models for our girls but let’s encourage our boys to be strong, brave and smart, just as we are doing our girls.
Lyons Group, Inc. over 4 years ago
What is this, “Fun with Mirrors Day”? Seems like every comic strip I’ve read today is doing this!
hagarthehorrible over 4 years ago
Absolutely, at least till teens.