Clay Bennett for August 13, 2019

Any day now, conservatives will come up with PROOF that Hillary killed Abraham Lincoln.

Who knew there was a pizza parlor in the basement of Ford’s Theater?

Who knew that Hillary was powerful enough to arrange a hit job on the most heavily guarded prisoner in federal detention, but not powerful enough to prevent Trump from becoming president?

The same thing happened to the DC Madam, some rich reputations are at stake. Bill Barr will clean up this mess and with Mitch’s help appointing loyal judges, only their political enemies will be held accountable….

Well you can bet that Trump’s name will not come up in this investigation….unless he’s called on to testify against Clinton.

Republicans. How they rally around their own. Kind of like the Odessa organization.

I think he’s recuperating from plastic surgery in Argentina. BTW, how does my tin foil hat look?

When are the aliens going to abduct Trump… and McConnell?

Please!

trump had him snuffed.

And all this time I thought it was Liberace :(

I was perfectly willing to accept that this was a standard jailhouse suicide. Right up till Trump started accusing Clinton of a hit. Experience shows that when Trump accuses someone of something, it’s to deflect from the fact that he himself has already done that very same thing (or is preparing to).

That’s right. Make the truth even more absurd. Now nobody will believe it. ~ “President” Donald Trump

As was once written in The National Lampoon, he died by suicide, the victim of a self inflicted airstrike. Also he shot himself in the back with a submachine gun from 47 paces, pausing only twice to reload. Muy tragico.

I find the theory (of a conspiracy) espoused by Kim Iversen to be quite believable; Epstein was an Israeli op, to force politicians to support Israel.

The difference is that Epstein’s death was indeed very suspicious – even if he did just commit suicide. At the very least should have been on suicide watch (having previously made an attempt), and it was reported that he was, then that he wasn’t at that time. It is known that pedophiles don’t do well in prison, because so many prisoners are survivors of childhood abuse themselves and go after abusers, so if it was someone else getting him, they should have had him protected.

Finally, one thing we have learned painfully about #45 is that when he accuses someone of a crime, it is invariably one he committed himself. He projects. Re-tweeting a false claim that Clinton may have killed staff isn’t just irresponsible and slanderous, it’s a virtual confession for someone like #45. After all, he’s mob-connected, he’s sucked up to Putin (who kills journalists who cross him), and demands everyone throw themselves under the bus for him. And he’s a LOT more threatened by this than Clinton is – though if Clinton is guilty of sex with minors, as it has been alleged #45 has, then both of them should go to jail. Period.

Elvis killed Epstien. JFK is still alive in an attic at the White House. The Masons get orders from extra-terrestrial alien overlords.

Is there anything so stupid or outrageous that some Americans will not buy into?

“So even though Trump just retweeted the comedian Terrence K. Williams accusing the Clinton family of murder, the people who work for Trump may ignore that, too. They know that the president punching the retweet button like an addled retiree playing the slots through a fog of painkillers means nothing. The days of “taking Trump seriously, not literally” have long since passed. By this point, Trump is taken neither seriously nor literally. His words are as worthless as Trump Organization IOUs.” —-David Frumm

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2019/08/trumps-conspiracy-theory-about-clintons-and-epstein/595915/

Ok. But, how killed Elvis?

T’was beauty that killed the beast.

A Canadian newspaper managed to get the inside scoop

https://www.thebeaverton.com/2019/08/americas-wealthy-perverts-unsure-which-of-them-actually-staged-epstein-suicide/

deep, deep apologies to L Bernstein/S. Sondheim’s “I Feel Pretty,” but—it’s convenient, so convenient

so unlucky he happened to die—

but convenient,

so convenient it could

make me cry.

while disarming, it’s alarming

his harming himself as he could:

it just happened

in a split second, no one

thought he would!

see the petty man in the white house, there,

why is he laughing with glee?

such a lucky guy

none to testify

maybe not even he!

it’s convenient, so convenient,

“convenient’s” the art of the deal—

it’s no biggy,

now no piggy

can actually squeal.

we’re left hanging, alarms clanging,

suspicions fright’ningly high—

so convenient

so convenient his best

pal had to die!

everyone knows it was bigfoot…

He did it as a favor to HRC… who did it as a favor for Slick Willie.

/s

Epstein took one for the Trump/Barr team.

I’m just amused at the number of people convinced it could ONLY be Trump or ONLY be The Clintons.

Because there is literally no other rich and powerful person on Earth who’d want Epstein silenced, apparently