Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for July 22, 2019

Does Dr. Frankenstein live in the neighborhood?

Man, I totally loathe moving. At least when you’re dead, somebody else has to do all the work.

Constipated his way to the grave, did he?

That won’t be true in Chicago. Graves have been moved for parks & expressways & an entire cemetery was moved several years ago for a new runway at O’Hare.

You need a new headstone. He move on from his grave to heaven or hell.

“Swear there ain’t no heaven, but I pray there ain’t no Hell.” Blood, Sweat and Tears

Every day I get up and say, “Not today, death!” What is good about this is that I will be wrong only once in my entire life.

When you’re moving your whole world becomes boxes. That’s all you think about is boxes. Boxes, where are there boxes? You just wander down the street going in and out of stores. Are there boxes here? Have you seen any boxes? I mean it’s all you think about. You can’t even talk to people because you can’t concentrate. Shut up I’m looking for boxes. Just after a while you become like really into it you can smell them. You walk into a store. There’s boxes here. Don’t tell me you don’t have boxes. Dammit, I can SMELL them. I’m like I’m obsessed. I love the smell of cardboard in the morning. Youcould be at a funeral. Everyone’s mourning crying around, and your looking at the casket. That’s a nice box. Does anyone know where that guy got that box? When he’s done with it do you think I could get that? it’s got some nice handles on it.

And that’s what death is really. It’s the last big move of your life. The hearse is like the van. The pall bearers are your close friends the only ones you could ask to help you with a big move like that. and the casket is that great perfect box you’ve been waiting for yourwhole life. The only problem is, once you find it you’re in it.

- Jerry Seinfeld

Did he take any of his stuff with him?

Sadly, even in the grave, there is no guarantee you won’t move again.

After moving 5 times in 5 years from one crapshack to another we finally moved into our house. We’re finally done moving. It’s not large and it’s not new but it’s ours and we’re keeping it.

Muriel, the philosopher

Then came the big earthquake…

Theres the law of large numbers, but mostly the law of averages with small numbers is just gambling

Unfortunately, late that night, Messrs Burke & Hare proved him wrong.

At my age, it is my fervent prayer and glorious hope that the next time I have to move, the only thing to be packed in a box will be myself.

Looks like they might have forgot him somewhere.

Until someone wants to put a housing development there orin 2k years, it’s excavated & the bones put in a museum

Both my parents told me, at one time or another, where they wanted their ashes interred/scattered. Neither got their wishes due to later circumstances and eventualities. Prior poor planning prevents proper performance.

Great view for the price.

So he doesn’t believe in Purgatory, eh?

Good friend, for Jesu’s sake forbear

To dig the dust enclosed here.

Blessed be the man that spares these stones,

And curst be he that moves my bones.

— some old English writer

As The Who sang on “Live at Leeds” – “Heaven and Hell”:On top of the sky is a place where you go – If you’ve done nothing wrong – And down in the ground is a place where you go – If you’ve been a bad boy. – In the place up above you grow feather wings – And you fly ’round and ’round – With a harp singing hymns – And down in the ground you grow horns and a tail – And you carry a fork – And moan and wail.

Until the Cemetery gets Sold to a developer who wants to build Condos on that location.

Then, the Coffins and tombstones will quietly disappear late at night and be loaded onto a Barge headed out into the Pacific somewhere.

Give it enough time and a lack of concerned relatives or other guardian and you will find your desiccated remains in a smaller box or if you’re lucky an ossuary, stacked up with your sapien brethren. As your final resting place is resold for another use. Into dust you will move; the dissembling molecules frantically moving to entropy. We are wanderers, doomed to move until the universe is cold.

Next time I move, the kids are going to have to sort the stuff, pack the stuff, store the stuff, or/and haul the stuff away. I may or may not be willing or able to participate.

My dad’s first cousin (my first cousin once removed) had the family moved to a family plot in a different cemetery.

My Greatest Generation dad, buried in the (cheapest) plot bordering a sure to be expanding major thoroughfare: “Don’t move me, I want to be a speed bump.”

Despite my easy plans for after death, I fear I probably will have to move while alive at least a couple more times. But I have whittled my belongings down to what will fit in a one-bedroom apartment, no storage shed, nothing extra. So that shouldn’t be too bad. I hate to move, so I’ve made it easy both for myself and those who will be here after I’m gone.

This what I always say