Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for February 10, 2019

You brought it on yourself, Rat.

As if he needed a reminder to do that part.

No tip for you .

Even an uptight guy was expressing concern and was polite (which Rat is not most of the time). What gave the waiter the idea to give that kind of rude customer service?

And you wonder why the author wrote Timmy Failure

Who knows what he might have written on Pig’s order.

Not much of a job, serving food to a Rat and a Pig… who can blame him? :P

The advantage of home cooked meals.

This always makes me nervous, too, but man, calling out the waiter for it is just BEGGING to have an extra order of saliva.

Rat just does not strike me as a medium well kind of guy. Medium rare, perhaps.

I always worry that something like that will happen to me.

Payback Time Rat ! ….. Croc Power!

All this fuss at a vegan restaurant.

NEVER tell other people how to do their jobs! Especially taxi drivers.

I’m sure, Rat, gets a LOT of spit in his food when he goes out to eat

My son worked his way through college as a waiter. He told me that one day he walked into the kitchen and asked another waiter why he was wiping the floor with a filthy, brown sponge. The waiter picked up the “sponge” and threw it on a plate. It was an obnoxious customer’s fillet mignon.

“medium well” ?? I have a boot you can chew on.

It’s like learning the multiplication tables, with practice you can learn….especially if a big tip is coming.

That’s the secret ingredient.

Medium well? This is the first time Rat has ever disappointed me!

I was once at an Indian restaurant with ten other guys. One waiter took all our orders and didn’t write down a thing. Our orders came out perfect.

Medium well? Really?! Did the cow do something on rats lawn? At least he didn’t ask for some sort of steak sauce to further sully the meal. Catsup/ketchup for the fries as well. #ketchupisforheathens #ketchupisforcowards

Every time a manager walks by and asks how the food is, I wonder what happened in the kitchen that I haven’t noticed.

Be careful what you say to your waiter before you get your order.

I think I will eat at home today. Oh wait, I ticked off the wife oops

Never spit on the food, leaves too much DNA. However when the Soup of the Day is Clam Chowdah, a dollop of silver polish works wonders.

Just be nice and don’t be condescending to anyone when you eat out. Hopefully problem solved!

I went to a restaurant and asked for my steak medium well. When I got it ,it was a little too pink. I called my waitress back over and laughingly told her it was not dead enough. To go back and kill some more. I grinned and cheesed so much at her. Just try and be pleasant and you shouldn’t have any trouble.

Never….NEVER criticize a waiter or server until you have the meal in-hand. Friend of mine told me years ago of a case that I’ll never forget. He worked in a sandwich shop in Pittsburgh when he was young. Some customer was pretty nasty when ordering. The sandwiches were made behind a counter out of sight of order counter. The guy making the sandwich lowered his pants, wiped a slice of meat across his meat and posterior, then added it to the sandwich. My friend saw the whole thing from his position. I am NEVER critical in a restaurant until AFTER the food has arrived, and the one time that I was I never returned to that establishment.

That’s what you get for challenging the staff, Rat. In the next restaurant, keep your jaw firmly shut except when ordering and eating.

Sorry you have to put up with this stuff from your housemate, Pig….

Since when do they have empty plates on the table before you place your orders?

I’d be more concerned that he’s not repeating it back.

“We serve FOOD here sir…”

Waiters and their shorthand codes!

I hate it when waiters are like this and get your order wrong. Your like,” you had one job”

What’d you expect?