Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for October 18, 2017

oh man, if only that was real.

Can we add the term “hella” to that app? It’d be hella useful.

I’d prefer an app that did that to people who keep misusing words, like the TV news people who have no idea what “literally” means.

That’s inconceivable!

Bless you, Rat.

Can the premium version also swallow PHB’s and otherwise incompetent people? Pleeeez? The world would be so much nicer, and quieter

That’s what you get when you work smarter, not harder!

Once had a meeting with a software vendor and for the whole hour the guy used nothing but buzzwords. There would’ve been a thousand holes that day.

Do you think we can include advertising in “business jargon”?

Cos PLEASE, I need it to swallow ad copywriters who call everything “on trend” or especially “squad goals.”

I would buy this app in a heartbeat.

How about “go ahead and…” everybody is saying that now. Except me. I hate that phrase.

Does it come in both Android and iOS versions? If so, I want it and will pay handsomely for it!

And let’s get busy on v2.0 that adds a dope slap for every “you know” or “like” when used for anything but to indicate similarity with, or a strong attraction to, something.

how did the app know not to swallow rat when he said “we’ll circle back to that”, “game changer” and “empower” ?

OHGAWWWD!

I had a coworker who would intend to say, “Let’s put that into a repository” (meaning, “let’s set that aside”). Unfortunately, what he would actually say was, “Let’s put that into a suppository.”

I WANT ONE !!! TAKE MY MONEY !!!

Please add “pain point” and “team building” to that app.

“bandwidth”

Let’s put a pin in it . Deliverables .

And the absolute worst: Resources when you mean people . Resources are things you exploit and use up (think fossil fuels). Then again, maybe this is something like a permanent Freudian slip.

Still, words like the above have a certain social utility. Those who use them identify themselves as unthinkers as soon as they open their mouths. As obvious, if slightly less painful as having “DOOFUS” tattooed on their foreheads.

Wouldn’t it be easier (and a LOT more satisfying) to just turn Guard Duck loose on them with his RPG launcher??

Dilbert could use an app like this for his Pointy-Haired Boss.

Anyone remember the time when Human Resources departments used to simply be called Personnel? Shortly before I retired the outfit I worked for changed the name of the Maintenance department to Facilities Operations and the Graphics department to Visual Communications. Cute but stupid!

what really gets me are “reach out” and “touch base”

Let’s table that for now, put a pin in it and revisit the matter in our next meeting.

We can; "collaboratively transform client-focused strategic theme areas’, or “completely myocardinate pandemic ROI”, or “rapidiously matrix seamless technology” or “assertively whiteboard scalable e-tailers”! Try it yourself, it’s fun and endlessly entertaining!http://www.atrixnet.com/bs-generator.html

At the end of the day, we should stop relying on cliches like “the end of the day”.

One question – when’s it hitting the App Store and Google Play?

An A-hole down the rat-hole!

Very useful app. Makes the world better.

Or when the temp at Starbucks says“sorry about that” after a mistake.

‘Paradigm shift’ and ‘juxtapose’.

Ha ha this app is ‘trending up’!

I’ve never heard of “We’ll circle back to that”

Never ever.

xxx

Synergy is a great word that’s easily adaptable to the business world… it’s just horribly misused. Paradigm Shift? that’s the move from paper timesheets to electronic time tracking or from desktops to cloud computing on a small scale (or punch cards to keyboard on a larger scale). It’s poorly abused by marketing people.

Dear Rat: Great app! You should add: 1) “issue” when “problem” is meant; e.g., the transmission in my car has an issue shifting into reverse. “Issue” is a psychobabble word; 2) “let’s unpack that” when “explain” is meant; 3) “problematic” when “troublesome” or “difficult” work better, are clearer, and not so cute; 4) “concerning” misused as an adjective when "worrisome"is meant; e.g., the lack of potable water in Puerto Rico is very concerning. There’s plenty more of these to flush down the toilet!

You have no idea how accurate and wonderful this strip is today! I spent 20 years in the hallowed halls of IBM Headquarters. The newly minted MBAs fell over themselves trying to use the latest buzzwords. “Circle back” and “Tee it up” were among the most common. I love today’s strip.

Ooh, ooh, I want one! Where do I pay?

I want that app..!!

Most people try to accomplish a Paradigm Shift WITHOUT using the clutch…

I work at an institution of higher learning and the administration has its own language here. What once could be said in three words, now takes about twenty-five. Drives me crazy!!

Don’t forget “solutions”

Coffee Cup Guy is one of the bloated Useless Class, predominately Administrators of all kinds, whose gleaning from the human race would be beneficial to all others….

Got a lot on my plate, but I got your back 24/7. It’s a game changer, and a wake up call – just sayin’. Touch base ASAP. Have a good one.

We were developing software for a client and had a question, so somebody needed to call the client. One developer said she would be “happy to facilitate that conversation”.

Run it up the flag pole and see if anyone salutes.

Shovel ready

The Earth’s thinking, “Mmmmm, human..”

Genius! Hilarious, too.