The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn for September 04, 2017

He’s in a pickle now.

Perhaps it was merely his pretense of popularity. Probably not. Plenty of problems with this pupil’s performance.

Peculiar pastimes put Peter in a poor position to perform positively in pertinent programs.

Phew!

A pair of pi$$ed parents.

Peter Piper, you know you are punished. From now on you’re wearing a giant P on your shirt every day to school so that the whole world knows that Peter Piper is permanently, positively, punished.

~Hairspray

Peter doesn’t exactly strike me as the “pot-puffing” sort.

Phew!

Q. If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, where’s the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?

A. Probably pilfered.

If he can’t pass picking, he’ll be reduced to packing and be Poor Peter Piper, permanent probationary pissant pickle pepper packer in the unpleasantly Peoria pickle pepper packing plant packing particularly pungent pepper pickles.

I bet he got an A in Proboscis Picking.

Peter Piper procured powerful pot, panning Peter’s prior peerless pupilage. Peter’s parents protested.

When I was in college, I was one of the founders of a student organization called the Palpably Perpetrated Purple Platoon of Pixilated Professional Parcheesi Players and Perplexingly Persistent Poster Pasters, or P-12 for short. We existed to dodge around the college rule that any posters put up in the student union couldn’t be sponsored by individual students, only by an organization, and we were willing to sponsor pretty much everything. They changed the rule the following year.

Parents poo pooing.

With all those plosives, the spittle flies freely in the Piper household.

Quite a stretch.