Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson for August 12, 2016

We all wish we had a pyromaniac for a father.

Lighter fluid? Meh..Throw in some nitrous oxide. Or, even better, some liquid oxygen..Don’t try this at home kids. Go to a neighbor’s house to do it.

Hamburgers Hamburgers Hamburgers!

Right now he wishes Jason’s dad was his father. But he would have to get used well burnt hamburgers.

If you want to have fun, always do it yourself. Don’t rely on others.

In the ’20’s, didn’t they used to call them “flaming youth”?

After dark, the dew had gotten really heavy while we camped at Lime Rock Raceway one race weekend. We wanted a campfire, but were having a hard time getting it to stay lit. ’’I’ll fix that," Hubby says. He walks to the back of the van and returns with a 2 cup Pyrex beaker filled with Vortex. Before anyone could stop him, (the man has no fear) he flings the stuff onto the sputtering fire. The resulting fireball nearly burned down the tent. No crew members or dumb drivers were harmed in the experiment.

I might also mention the time Hubby decided to clean an engine block in the bathtub of his dad’s 1 bedroom apartment.(his dad was out of town.) The quickest way to get rid of all the gunk, Hubby decided, was to spray the block with ether. Then he decided to take a break. Walking into the kitchen, Hubby had a handful of potato chips, lit a cigarette and promptly blew up the bathroom.The good news is the apartment was so old and there were so many coats of paint on bathroom window it was stuck tight. Instead of calling for help, he put the fire out by continually tossing water through the door and slamming it shut, quenching the flames and shutting off the oxygen to the room. The bad news is he had to replace all the towels and repaint the walls before his dad came home.The good news – he got the engine block clean.

I remember that Calvin was once excited that his dad was making a fire -until he learned it was in the fireplace.

Calvin’s reasoning is why we never let my FIL BBQ. Because he did use gas to ‘coax’ the fire up. But he also brought out a chain saw to carve the Thanksgiving turkey once too. He was a fun guy to have family events with. I miss him

Everyone here is having much too much fun. But this much I do know, if Dad does as Calvin suggests, those hamburgers will taste like kerosene. Don’t ask how I know…

" Calvin ,if you want fireballs you need to go see Crankshaft !

Awfully small grill, I’d say…

When I was a kid in the Boy Scouts, we called lighter fluid “Boy Scout Juice.” It was great because you could squirt it on an (already going) charcoal fire and not have it blow up on you the way gasoline would. But it sure gave the burgers a funny taste.

Sorry Calvin, but your Dad is not Crankshaft or Tim Taylor.

love the burgers jumping off the plate

Odd how you rarely hear of women doing things like this…

Yeah Dad your more boring than church!

A message brought to you by the Home Builders Association of America in conjunction with your local HMO

But Calvin’s dad, making a giant fireball builds character.

This all reminds me of what I think is one of the funniest Darwin Award stories I’ve ever read. (1998) In rural Carbon County, Pennsylvania, a group of men were drinking beer and discharging firearms from the rear deck of a home owned by Irving Michaels, age 27. The men were firing at a raccoon that was wandering by, but the beer apparently impaired their aim. Despite an estimated 35 shots fired by the group, the animal escaped into a 3’ diameter drainage pipe 100 feet away from Mr. Michaels’ deck. Determined to terminate the animal, Mr. Michaels retrieved a can of gasoline and poured some down the pipe, intending to smoke the animal out. After several unsuccessful attempts to ignite the fuel, Michaels emptied the entire five-gallon fuel can down the pipe and tried to light it again, to no avail. Not one to admit defeat by wildlife, the determined Mr. Michaels proceeded to slide feet-first approximately 15 feet down the sloping pipe to toss the match. The subsequent rapidly-expanding fireball propelled Mr. Michaels back the way he had come, though at a much higher rate of speed. He exited the angled pipe “like a Polaris missile leaves a submarine,” according to witness Joseph McFadden, 31. Mr. Michaels was launched directly over his own home, right over the heads of his astonished friends, onto his front lawn. In all, he traveled over 200 feet through the air. “There was a Doppler Effect to his scream as he flew over us,” McFadden reported, “followed by a loud thud.” Amazingly, he suffered only minor injuries. “It was actually pretty cool,” Michaels said, “Like when they shoot someone out of a cannon at the circus. I’d do it again if I was sure I wouldn’t get hurt.”

I agree with Calvin! Life should be more fun – too bad it’s so dangerous. Maybe a VR fireball?

In a 6 year old’s eyes. All grown ups are boring!xxx

He learned that lesson in his youth. It took 4 years for his eyebrows to grow back!

Calvin should go live with the Fox’s from Foxtrot. Roger always blows the grill sky high! ;^)

Oh dear, are the coals hot yet?In just a minute, sweetheart…

Calvin would have a great time if he could just hang out with Grandpa Ed Crankshaft for a while.