Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for July 02, 2014

The elderly are so going to need them hip replacements.

But it will do wonders for their backs.

Aim them at big trucks! They bounce more that way.

Is there an odd-smelling couch in the landing zone?

Ever notice how their making the crossing lights last less longer while the wait for them takes longer and longer? That’s not just a getting older thing, it’s an actual fact. Back in my 20s I began to notice it with a local crosswalk. It would take at a walking pace about a minute to cross with the light flashing to don’t walk light coming on about two or three steps before you could reach the other side. Two months later same pace but now the light was coming on half way across the road. I’d crossed that way for years in high school and they hadn’t had to put in a crossing guard because the light was at a time that you could get across. Then almost ten years later they had to start using a crossing guard during the hours when kids were going to school and coming home because they had changed the timing and weren’t even going to bother changing it back. Much more important for drivers to get where they were going than pedestrians. Never mind some of those drivers never cared to observe when the crossing light was on and the fact that they had a red light (they could turn on red here).

Rat’s understatements are the best. Worst. Best.

Good ol’ Rat, always looking for ways to serve. He’s sure to have a good place waiting for him at the end of his little rodent life.

We were in Maine visiting our daughter at her naval base, and went to this little seaside tourist town. There were pedestrian crossings vividly marked every few yards, with signs announcing motorists MUST stop for foot traffic. You could barely go 5-10 seconds without stopping at one again. But of course, self-important people can’t be bothered to walk a few yards out of their way. So be it. What got me fuming, though, (to this day,) was when a “mother” pushed her umbrella stroller out into the middle of the street, without seeming to stop to check traffic, or look both ways. Not at a cross walk, just feet in front of us. Didn’t she care that a distracted driver could flatten her precious baby? Was she only concerned with exercising her “right of way,” even if it meant using her child as a blocking wedge? I mean, come on! Nonchalantly using your baby to stop traffic for you?!?I swear, I think some children must have a special swat team of guardian angels.

Just make sure the flight path is inside the designated lines.

Goat’s reaction in the last panel, is priceless!

Won’t work, Rat. —Not because of litigation from the old-person survivors, but rather because the system requires too many strong staffers round-the-clock at each installation. Too expensive (even without the lawsuits).

Liability issues? How about responsibility issues? Oh wait! Already got that one covered.

I love the smart assed teenagers who strut at a slow pace just to annoy drivers, so buddy, be prepared when you start to drive, you will learn patience.

Maybe the other end of the bungee cord is connected to another crone. Two for the price of one bungee.

If its like Boston, people jaywalk because people in cars do not respect cross walks. I frequently could not cross because people taking a right turn on red prevented me from doing so.

Plus sticking to cross walks can mean going blocks out of your way to get to the some place right across the street..

hey how do you change your profile pic

Throw in a skateboard, and you really got something there.

Rat is the Liability!

There’ll be so much litigation Steph will return to his old law firm, Dewey Stickem and Howe…

A giant slingshot..nice!

Like

Oh my.

Rat could get away with it. Drag out the litigation until the complainants are deceased, and depose any surviving claimants to death. “I’m sorry gramps, you need to skip dialysis to meet with Rat’s lawyers today, and Pastis’ lawyers tomorrow, and the city’s lawyers Friday, and then the syndicate’s lawyers Monday, and then they all want you to see their teams of Drs to stick electric probes in you so they can measure nerve damage by applying voltage until your flesh sizzles…” On the plus side, since this idea was put forth by Pastis, a litigant could take Pastis to court as a co-respondent. Half the civil judges in the USA would welcome comic relief and make certain Pastis would be a respondent.

HAHAHAHAGoat’s expression is PRICELESS!!!A favorite PBS.