Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for January 03, 2014

Transcript:

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling FIFTH IN A SERIES OF GOVERNMENT INFORMATION BROCHURES YOUR government, working for YOU! ATTENTION, CITIZENS Go About Your Business! Just Pretend We're Not Watching! We know how difficult it is to act naturally when you know there is a network of faceless bureaucrats recording your every move. We recommend that you put this out of your mind, and simply follow these helpful hints! Leave the THINKING about surveillance to US! 1. Please position your built-in laptop camera to maximize the angle to your face. 2. Please speak clearly when conversing on a cellphone, and kindly spell the names of people to whom you refer, especially if they are foreign-sounding. 3. Please avoid American slang. Our British spying partners don't understand it, and when we feel like following the law, getting data from them is a convenient way. 4. Please do not clear your browser history and data after you visit a porn site. It does not affect our surveillance in the least, and it's kind of pathetic. 5. Please fully charge your cellphone overnight so you can leave it on all day and allow us to fully track your movements. Thank you for your cooperation. Please know that by following these tips, you haven't made America any safer, but you've made our job easier. And you want to be on our good side.