Ballard Street by Jerry Van Amerongen for January 23, 2013

or, at least hem the pants!

I do believe this is the first time I’ve ever been the first to comment on Ballard St.!! …after all this time spent living here!

Treat your pets as if they’re family !

I tried dressing my cat once…just once.

I don’t have any idea why Snoop would WANT to wear Ted’s clothes….

There are so many fine canine clothing establishments on Ballard St.

Perhaps he needs to speak with one of our better dressed dog citizens, like Sheriff Offenbach, or Mel O’Dell, and get a few tips on where to purchase well-fitting attire.

Bev…. does that mean Ted is homosapienophobic?

Alice finds her need for cotton more real, more certain that its the fabric of her life….

Of course, if Ted is that 20th Century in his thinking, perhaps Snoop hasn’t been allowed to work outside the home.

It’s such an old-fashioned belief, that dogs belong in the home….

Anyway, if Snoop hasn’t much, or any, income of his own, he could still stop by Swifty’s Nifty Thrift Shop and Doggy Duds Outlet…Second-hand stuff but snappy.

Eldo…. Hello!

Fenton is the head night shift bartender at the Tiki Bar, our local hangout, which is owned by Sheriff MonkeyBlues….

Fenton:

I’d introduce you, but I’ve just called in Sid, our relief bartender, and let Fenton go home for the night…

He never asks for personal time, so when he did, tonight, I was happy to oblige.

He seems rather despondent.

As the Monkey works a long day shift, as Sheriff of Ballard County, I help out by overseeing the night shift at the Tiki when I can…. or at least the beginning of it.

Um…. Linda… I am happy for you, of course, if…well, you know…

Though I AM a bit worried about our dear bartender.

I should add that the Monkey did ask me to do that job at the Tiki…I didn’t just walk in and take over!

Linguist…. I do understand Snoop’s financial concerns…

And it’s possible that his stinginess is just a pose….something to deflect curiosity about his status as a purely “kept” beast, with no money to call his own.

Swifty could probably find him some trousers for little more than he could dig up…he’s a very kind Labrador, who wants to see all dogs able to be decently clothed.

Bev… Speed Bump is in re-runs…. and he seems to have carefully chosen some of the best ones he’s done.

The last few days have all been classics!

Bev… I know…..

My little dog used to steal my socks and underwear ( right out of the laundry bag! ) and hide them….

I kept blaming the laundromat machines…. till I finally found her stash… way under the bed.

Linda….

I know.We all love Fenton….

I only hope you have made the right choice.

X ….

I do need to do something about my clock….I think I wore it out!

It’s hard to run a salon with it in this condition.

Maybe we both need clocks like you sent the Monkey….Unless…. You know….The extra time isn’t real….

My sweet Pet…Fenton is the epitome of class. A worlds champion Bartender, an astoundingly brilliant scrabble player…a MilkBone piglet, a dancer par excellance! And an all around sweet guy, who knows just the right spot to lick on your cheeck and who knows how to just be there for you when you are down or how to dance like nobody cares when no one is around….He is a companion when you need one, and a celebritory maniac when its all good…Conceited due to his good looks, but humble due to his doggie nature, proud because he is Fenton and thats enough said right there….and sweet, because thats the way that he is…loving, because thats how his heart is…stubborn, because thats how his breed is. patient because of the same reason….Fenton is…he just is…and he is totally lovable so you cant blame me Pet….after all, tis Fenton…who wouldnt love him?

I don’t know what you mean, Eldo….But that’s the way it is…perhaps Linda can explain.

Sheriff MonkeyBlues opened the Tiki Bar before we elected him Sheriff, which, by the way, was last August…the 21st, as I recall…

That would be an interesting day to check out Ballard St. in the Wayback Machine…

X …. No, not the Zwieback machine….that would be your “other clock.”

There is nothing “over your head”…and yes, there is innuendo….such as there is elsewhere;but at least here its overtly loving….and the only code is that you “get it”…and I know you do because you have a brain as big as that Montana sky we spoke about previously and a heart as big as the same….stop closing it up Pet…you know you want to let us all in…

Alice has decided to replace you with your best friend.

Fenton is the head night shift bartender at the Tiki Bar, our local hangout, which is owned by Sheriff MonkeyBlues

I could look at this picture all day…heavy sigh….

Sid, if you please, a cup of coffee and a double amaretto. laced with irish cream….buy Red whatever he’s having and after you serve us, bring a double to each of us of what we just had….that way I dont have to remember it and you do….your job sux…

So Red, how you doing?….world spinning around for you ok?

you play some cool music dude…you know that your rock our world even if we dont say it all the time right?

one hates being redundant ya know?…hey Sud…more of the same please…er, Sid, sud, dud, just bring the bottles and some juice and coffee…we will mix it as required….shheeessh, Red, I actually got that out without slurring…right on to me…hehehheee///

Thats his best Red

lol…I am saving that for when I win the HGTV dream house on Kiaweh Island in South Carolina….will be going for a walkin in Memphis shortly thereafter….

Susan, I’d suggest borrowing the clock from the Tiki, but I’m not sure it would help you.

Aw, X, sorry….I wasn’t even intending to start a bakery….

But so many people drop by the salon…and then I started baking banana bread for the Tiki…and birthday cakes…

And now I may just have to do it…. How did you know?

I already have the perfect location…News will be coming soon.

But I WILL need a clock.Especially one that puts a few more hours in my day, since I’ll be working all three shifts.

And maybe a nightcap right now…this computer stuff has been scary…

X? Join me?Red, Linda, Eldo?Did you guys leave?

Oh… X … you posted that while I was typing…

Hmm…now I see why the Monkey needed a new clock too.I thought it was just cos he runs the bar and is the full-time Sheriff.But everybody on Ballard St seems to mukti-task.My gosh, look at StelBel.

X…. yeah, that reminds me that I could just use my astrolabe….I suppose….

But people get so confused when I tell them their appointment times in terms of the positions of the planets and stars.

I think you DO need to watch your wrist.

It’s doing something strange.

I mean, the digital part is supposed to be on the other end of your palm.

Susan If ya have ta time it then ya gotta dime it…I got no dimes therefore no time…..but you do….so go make Eldo pay attention…

Essex…something tells me that is not a rolex!

Ok…. away I must…..G’night, all….

*@BeviekHere’s another clock for math fre mathematicians.

Linda… I’m a precision color-change hair technician and an XTI certified glitterologist.

Many such processes need to be carefully timed…

But as for Eldo… sorry, I can’t do magic.

And just a heads-up…. you might mean x_Tech, not Essex.

They both have x’s in them.

Oooh X … I like that one.Can’t read it but I could set some precise appointments, I bet.I like precise appointments….even if I AM usually 37 minutes late, give or take,

G’night again …. I’m losing it…OK, so that’s obvious…. :)..

Alice isn’t about to let Snoop wear her clothes and irradesant(sp) pumps.

Of course if you need something portable, you can get this at StelBel’s Wide World of Inflatables.

Not sure what time it is here, but I’m going to call it bedtime.Good|night|day|morning|

The dog is taking over.(Don’t they all eventually)pcolliYou are not mad. (Its everyone else. I know. I have inside lines on the conspiracy afoot.)A song.“They are coming to take me away, haha hehe hoho.”

BACK OFF, LESTER ! ! !

I just ran into Fenton. He’s pretty down in the dumps about being dumped, but being Fenton, he’ll keep a stiff upper lip even if his jowls are drooping and his heart is breaking.He said he’ll be at work tonight, though.I told him that I’d bring him back some special treats from the Gasparilla Fest, and that cheered him up a bit.

Stebel,I don’t know where you found that but that was great. New species. I know one thing. They can’t run. Very easy to catch even for an old guy like me.I had a violator who refused go into the jail cell when he had a warrant for his arrest. He wanted to bow up. Had a big nose ring hanging there. I knew what it was for. I just grabbed it and lead him into the cell. Had deputy hold the ring outside the bars when I reached the other side of the cell so I could walk out and close the door. He ranted and raved like a big ape after that ring was let go. But you made a move for that ring? He quieted right down. I remember a Ballard Street strip about something like that. Involved a collar.

Stel and Veteran….I once saw a kid with that “pants-on-the ground” look trying to run from security guards in a mall where I worked.

He fell over!!!I wasn’t very close … but I could tell they lifted him off the ground and cuffed him.

All the while, he was trying to look nonchalant and even arrogant.

LOL!

Another time in that same mall, eating my lunch outside, I saw some teen-agers wearing rather saggy jeans, run across the back parking lot.

They leapt blindly over a low concrete wall at the edge of the open lot…..

But I knew the OTHER side of the wall was about a 15 foot drop to the road leading into a separate parking structure.

Before I could even get up, two security guards showed up in pursuit, so I pointed….and they looked, and called an ambulance.

I hate to laugh, but….

One thing I always wonder is why they think that look is NEW.

Personally, I don’t care what they wear…. but the incidents above were in the very early 90’s….That’s 20 years ago, and those kids may be the parent’s of some of the ones flaunting that “hip” look today.

Hi Stel….fancy meeting you here.

I just let the computer hibernate…. and it came back…knock wood.

So far today, so good.

So good to actually see folks here when I stop in. Got to go fix dinner (one of the last remaining pieces of filet in my freezer just thawed – with a little of my sauce Bearnaise)

Bri — that’s a good name…. “sagger” … did you make it up or do people say that?

Bev…. You asked StelBel, “Most exellent!!! How do you find this great stuff?!!”

Gee…. all she had to do was drop by the salon and take a picture of me sweeping up numbers. Sheesh!

And glad you liked the shoes…. cos I wear shoes like that…um…. yeeah…. all the time… sure I do….Cos all these photos are…. really true…. right?

Pcolli…. yeah, meant to say before…. if you’re mad…. there’s no hope for the rest of us!

Of course, maybe you already know that and …. sniffle…. don’t want to compare yourself with the likes of us….

But I think we’re pretty OK.If the opinion of a crazy person counts for anythng…..

Anyway… I want to apologise to anybody I haven’t answered or posted to…Still dealing with computer stuff…It did it again….been spending my time trying to establish a better back-up system, etc….always locking barn doors behind the horse, like everybody.

OK OK, not you, whoever you are, who does it right from the beginning…please don’t tell me so.And I mean that!

Yeah, my local temp says 67 right now (and I have a little heat on until I’m under my lovely quilt) @Red, I’ve a bit of Kalua with Presidente right now (after my dinner of filet – I bought all the stuff for the new diet but stil finishing up all the meat and chocolate etc before a WHOLE YEAR of deprivation (and if I make progress, but not enough, I will do the whole diet for another year. I HOPE to go to “prevention” from “reversal” diet after 1 year however as THAT is more nearly normal.

At least you don’t have to ask Clara where they are:

https://cleoandcompany.net/january-23-2023/

Hi Tigressy!

Good morning Balladeers.