Bound and Gagged by Dana Summers for December 23, 2012

He has to move fast too

Santa has a major delivery problem. There are some 2 billion children in the world expecting Christmas presents. Assuming an average of 2.5 children per household, then, Santa has to visit about 800 million homes scattered about the globe…………………………………

Thanks to the rotation of the earth, Santa has more time than children might initially think. Standing on the International Date Line, moving from east to west and crossing different time zones, Santa has not just 10 hours to deliver his presents (from 8 p.m., when children go to bed, until 6 a.m., when they wake up), but an extra 24 hours— 34 hours in all……………………………

Santa accomplishes his task by traveling at close to the speed of light.By traveling that fast, Santa can deliver all his presents with time left over to polish off the cookies and milk left for him on the kitchen tables.

Warp-9.Comet to Santa: I’m givin’ her all she’s got, Captn.

If mass becomes greater the faster you go, I think I will sit down and have some eggnog ,with a little Eagle Rare. That should make my mass lighter. You think so?Merry Christmass to all.

Haven’t any of you Christmas clowns ever heard of magic?

You tell them, Ron! It’s magic, pure and simple.