Candorville by Darrin Bell for April 07, 2022

Clyde did not want them to go through the tragedy of losing their child.

Look at Clyde solving the problem.

Kale has parents too

A hamburger is very tasty. So is a medium rare steak. Bacon. Seafood. Pork chops. Rump roast. Ham and cheese.

Sigh. There are probably worse things than kale burgers. Aren’t there?

I don’t like kale very much. I don’t like the texture. I prefer frizzy lettuce or baby spinach as my salad greens.

“Kale, Kale, the Gang’s All Here.”

Clyde nailed it.

But the Kale parents won’t be happy….

I’m all about alternative eating too, but I draw the line on my burgers. Humans are omnivorous for a reason. You wanna keep it just plant-based? That’s your business. Me? Sorry, kiddo, but them cows gotta go….IN MAH STOMACH!

Forget the barbecue…..Bring him to McDonalds, order him a ‘Happy meal’ with a toy, and win him over to the dark side!

At a horse show in the UK I went to many years ago, in the food concession area there was a food trailer for various pork/bacon meals. The slogan on the side of it was something like, “We know it’s mother!”

This explains a lot. Lamont thinks that a small child is the source of wisdom and offers sound insight on how to lead life. Likely true of Bell too…..

If you want a vegetarian burger, have a portobello burger. Those are actually good, and aren’t pretending to be meat. And there is no reason for kale to exist. Why would you have hairy spinach that tastes bad when you can have spinach?

The only veggie burgers I like are Dr. Praeger’s… the mushroom ones are actually quite good.

Whachoomean kale?

Plants have parents. The ins and outs of plant reproduction was one of the highlights of first year high school biology. They don’t raise their young but neither do a lot of animals.

I absolutely love kale, mustard greens, turnip greens, chard. The trick is making them some way my husband will eat them. He can do kale and chard, but not mustard and turnip.

Don’t tell the kid details about eggs, and/or tell him eating meat builds character.

Problem solved!!

Our hero!!

Kale is too bitter raw. Nuke it with a little water, 5 min? drain and add butter/margarine. Still more flavor than spinach but bitterness is gone.

Fun fact: Pizza Hut used to be the country’s largest buyer of kale pre-pandemic. The reason being, they used it to decorate their salad bar.

In real life I would bet the kid had gone to McDonalds multiple times. Oh and by the way children don’t have control over the menu.

Since science has a theory that meat eating gave humans big brains, Lemont should tell Lionel that his brain will shrink if he doesn’t eat meat and he’ll end up watching “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” instead of watching an intelligent show like “Gilligan’s Island” like his meat eating uncle Clyde.