SINKING SHIP SEEKS RATS:
• Are you a lawyer who’s down on his or her luck?
• Would you like your choice of hundreds of crimes to defend?
• Can you write fiction “on the fly”?
• Did you skip most of the classes on legal ethics in law school?
• Do you have Fox pundit experience?
• Have you ever played a lawyer on TV?
• Have you ever BEEN on TV?
• Are you fluent in Russian and are you loyal to Mother Russia?
• Do you have experience laundering money and/or intimidating witnesses?
• Can you sensitively counsel and indulge an unstable and obviously guilty client?
• Can you be dog-loyal beyond all reason to your client?
• Do you enjoy dining on Big Macs, KFC, and crow?
• Must be able to wait for retainer/payment.
• Familiarity with the undersides of buses a plus.
THEN LOOK NO FURTHER: Presidential lawyer is the job for you!