If you sleep with Pepto or the equivalent sitting on the nightstand next to you, something is wrong.
As I pour coffee down my esophagus, I think, “Gentlemen, start your engines!”
They couldn’t pay me enough to do your job, Aunty.
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times” . . . and the beat goes on . . .They’re rioting in Africa, they’re starving in Spain.There’s hurricanes in Florida, and Texas needs rain.The whole world is festering with unhappy souls.The French hate the Germans, the Germans hate the Poles.Italians hate Yugoslavs, South Africans hate the Dutch.And I don’t like anybody very much!
But we can be tranquil, and thankful, and proud,For mans’ been endowed with a mushroom-shaped cloud.And we know for certain that some lovely daySomeone will set the spark off, and we will all be blown away.
They’re rioting in Africa, there’s strife in Iran.What nature doesn’t do to us, will be done by our fellow man.
Well, if you’ll slam shut the coffin lid …
Couldn’t wait until after coffee?
The hell with it, I’m going back to bed.
Just don’t get out of bed, Aunty. Problem solved!
See? That’s why I always sleep until Noon.