9 Chickweed Lane by Brooke McEldowney for January 21, 2006
"So now Mom's convinced she gave Elliott cardiac arrhythmia when she wore my little shrink-wrap halter-top gown, then accepted his marriage proposal." "If you wore that gown and accepted me, they'd find my fetid, putrescent corpse right where I stood, with a beaming smile wreathed across my otherwise rotting face." "You're always so sweet...in a faintly nauseating way." "Boy, if I had a penny for every time I've heard that..."