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Feb 11, 2011
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Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling
JUDGE SCALIA
Even the SPACE/TIME CONTINUUM cannot stop Judge Scalia from his pursuit of pure judicial ORIGINALISM -- interpreting the constitution by gleaning the original intent of its drafters!
1868
Bingham: Ah, nice to relax with a glass of sherry after drafting the 14th amendment! 
CRASH!
Bingham: Good lord! What's this? 
Judge: Shut yer yap, Bingham! It's Judge Scalia!
Judge: Okay, punk: when you wrote the clause that all people will have "equal protection of the laws," did you INTEND it to include WOMEN and GAYS? 
Bingham: Wh...what are "gays"? 
Judge: Just as I thought! They're OUT! 
Okay, I'm off for one more fact-finding mission!
Bingham: Do you mean happy people? 
1789
Judge: James Madison! Face front, shorty!
POW
James: You, again? 
Judge: "Right to bear arms!" You mean that every INDIVIDUAL has that right, correct? 
James: Yes, I mean that INDIVIDUALS can own  single-shot muzzle-loading firearms! 
Judge: Huh? But you also intend to include revolvers, semi-automatic weapons, assault rifles...
James: What a REVOLVER? 
Judge: AH, I'll take that as a YES!
Okay, time for a snack. See ya soon, Jimmy
1889 Naples, Italy
Judge: The inventor of pizza! Say, you don't consider CHICAGO DEEP-DISH to be PIZZA, do you? 
Waiter: What is a Chicago? 
Judge: Ah, delicious originalism!
Judge Scalia's Judicial Ethics Corner
Judge Scalia, is it okay that over six years, my wife received $700 thousand from a conservative group, while I listed her income on disclosure forms as "none"? 
- Justice Clarence Thomas
Judge: Clarence, "none" was the correct response. It's short for "None of anyone's damn business!"
Feb 25, 2011
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