Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for August 28, 2004

Transcript:

The Republican Guide to New York City G.O.P. Convention 2004 Yes, we're in the heart of enemy territory here, with liberals (and worse!) all around us! But that doesn't mean it's not worth it to wade through the throngs of protesters and explore the city! It's like a bigger version of that "New York, New York" casino in Vegas, only with more minorities and no seafood buffet. Smell that park-fresh air! Sure, the Bush administration's refusal to enforce E.P.A. regulations has helped big business. And now many national parks' air is dirtier than N.Y.C.'s! No need to thank us, Big Apple! Central Park. The antiquated, narrow streets of New York make this haven of New York make this haven the only place to drive and park your H2. Amazingly, only three Applebee's service all of N.Y.C.! Make reservations, or you'll end up at one of those ethnic -- or French -- places! The U.N. Building, where those "other" countries pass their adorable resolutions. So many different countries are represented here, it's like a "United Nations" of foreigners. The Meat-Packing District. Here you'll meet many charming young ladies, who we're told will offer private tours of historic alleyways and picturesque backseats of parked cars. In the quaint area of Chinatown, actors recreate the ambience of China, to the delight of tourists. Make faces and shout gibberish to them, and they will hilariously do the same back to you! Ground Zero. Come on down and pose for pictures in front of the site that allowed President Bush to push the entire Republican Agenda, full steam ahead! Sponsored by GOP in NYC "We came, we shamelessly evoked the specter of 9/11, we left."