And now… For something completely different…
Maybe she should have been trying Not Being Seen.
It’s all fun and games until some bird craps in your eye.
The bird wasn’t pinin’ for the fjords.
Just be thankful it wasn’t a cow.
Title: Woodman, Spare That Tree!Author: George Pope Morris (1802-1864)
Woodman, spare that tree! Touch not a single bough!In youth it sheltered me, And I’ll protect it now.‘Twas my forefather’s hand That placed it near his cot;There, woodman, let it stand, Thy axe shall harm it not.That old familiar tree, Whose glory and renownAre spread o’er land and sea— And wouldst thou hew it down?Woodman, forebear thy stroke! Cut not its earth-bound ties;Oh, spare that aged oak, Now towering to the skies!When but an idle boy, I sought its grateful shade;In all their gushing joy Here, too, my sisters played.My mother kissed me here; My father pressed my hand—Forgive this foolish tear, But let that old oak stand.My heart-strings round thee cling, Close as thy bark, old friend!Here shall the wild-bird sing, And still thy branches bend.Old tree! the storm still brave! And, woodman, leave the spot;While I’ve a hand to save, thy axe shall harm it not.
Ah! Quercus maximus Bamber Gascoigneii
It’s a good thing that’s an oak, saving you all from a Pythonic comment about felling conifers and floating the logs down a twisty river… Oops, too late.Punsman, spare that tree joke!
Reminds me of the use of Agent Orange in Vietnam.
Is that a condor up in that tree?
Your Maj, this is why professional educators deliver their lectures in classrooms instead of under trees.
Shouldn’t she be picking up a shotgun instead of an ax? It’s not like the birds need to be sitting on something to poop on you.
The short answer is that hardness isn’t the only criterion for making a good bat.Oak used to be very popular for baseball bats, and there is still a niche market for it. But ash is almost as hard as oak, and slightly lighter.Hickory is quite a bit harder than either and used to be used for bats, but it’s very dense so bats from it tend to be too heavy. Sugar maple is also significantly harder, and about the same density as ash, but the grain is such that it splinters easily.Hardness is a measure of resistance to denting, not of breaking. Sandstone and quartzite are both silicon dioxide and so equally hard, but as I know from personal experience if you hit a block of sandstone with a geological hammer you’ll break it, while if you hit a block of quartzite you’ll just dent the face of the hammer. The difference between the two is the grain: quartzite is sandstone that has been compressed and heated to the point where the sand grains are fused together.
Apart from the question of whether the difference is a matter of end hardness, side hardness, or grain character, you’re right about oak not being the hardest wood. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Janka_hardness_test.
I’m going to see Spamalot week after next. I hope they do a NAQV crossover joke.
Did Queenie turn into Floyd R. Turbo in the last panel?
“Most wooden bats are made from ash. Other natural materials used include maple tree wood, hickory wood, and bamboo. Hickory has fallen into disfavor because it is much heavier than other woods…”
That probably applies to oak as well, if not more.
…it’s… [cue “liberty bell march”]
“Feed the birds.Tuppence a packIt’s full of arsenicSo they won’t come back.”
Welcome to the Dark Side, Mary Poppins!