Feb 17, 2015
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richard's poor almanac. by richard thompson

our oscar predictions

before the show even starts you'll lose track of which is which, naomi watts, kate hudson or diane lane. or chloe sevigny?

at 8:19 hard-working homunculus tom cruise will get his arm stuck in his seat's cup holder. everyone will pretend not to notice.

at 9:31, kiwi king peter jackson will suffer a wardrobe malfunction when his cummerbund snaps, travels 45 feet & wraps around jack valenti's head.

at 9:56, there will be a lull.

at 10:37, plucky peewee tom cruise will finally extricate himself by chewing off his arm.

you'll doze off at 11:20. your dreams will be in technicolor panavision with a cast of thousands & a compelling story arc. and when you wake up you won't remember a bit of it.
Feb 19, 2015
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