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Richard's Poor Almanac

By Richard Thompson
4,305
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Apr 1, 2013
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april is national poetry month!
beowulf in under 90 seconds
here's a famous poem condensed!

king: damn.
click
the monster grendel is ravaging the country, devouring likewise warriors, maidens, merchants & passersby, effectively slowing the flow of tourist dollars to a thin trickle, much to the consternation of king hrothgar.

whap whap
comes the hero beowulf, who slays the monster grendel by pulling his (grendel's) arm clean off & slapping him with it fiercely about the head.

beo: freeze!
beowulf next deals with the monster grendel's mother in a bloody & protracted battle with much potential for cinematic spectacle given the right director (john woo?) & a sufficient budget.

the grateful king hrothgar now gives beowulf the hand of his beloved daughter, princess wideload. beowulf opens a hero-themed restaurant where they slaughter the oven right at your table.
Apr 8, 2013
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