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  1. jonadab commented on Close to Home about 2 years ago

    Forget lobsters. Real men bob for french fries.

  2. jonadab commented on Gray Matters over 2 years ago

    I’ve never heard of a state fair having a roller coaster worth riding, for an adult. I mean, they have kiddie coasters that you ride with your seven-year-old, that go twelve miles an hour and have twenty-foot-tall, thirty-degree hills…

  3. jonadab commented on Gray Matters over 2 years ago

    Twinkies, deep fried in bacon grease, dipped in chocolate, smothered with maple syrup and topped with powdered sugar and maraschino cherries.

  4. jonadab commented on F Minus over 2 years ago

    The words “and unusual” are there because otherwise the courts would have long since outlawed all punishments including sternly worded letters of reprimand. (Anything seems cruel when it’s the worst thing you ever do to a criminal.)

  5. jonadab commented on Candorville over 2 years ago

    Wait, it’s possible to make $85 a day sitting on a sidewalk?

    Man, I’m in the wrong line of work.

  6. jonadab commented on Close to Home over 2 years ago

    Actually, I’m pretty sure the sound track in hell is a thirty-second loop of polka music, and every couple of weeks they make a single one-note change to it.

  7. jonadab commented on Stone Soup almost 3 years ago

    Sounds like ideal weather for staying off the roads.

  8. jonadab commented on F Minus almost 3 years ago

    Is that all it takes to keep the dog in the tub until the bath is over? I’ve got to try this.

  9. jonadab commented on Moderately Confused almost 3 years ago

    Don’t verb nouns. Verbing weirds language.

  10. jonadab commented on Stone Soup almost 3 years ago

    We always put the tree up the day after Thanksgiving, and we never take it down until after school starts up again in January.

    This is not a problem, because we have the good kind of tree — the kind that does NOT dry out and drop needles everywhere, and we can store it in the attic and re-use it year after year after year.

    We used a “live” (which is to say, cut off from its roots, i.e., dead) tree one year on my dad’s whim, when I was in junior high, and lo, it was the most horrible holiday-related notion we have ever had. The needles that actively attacked anything that got within six yards of the tree, the trunk that didn’t really fit in the stand properly, which was aggravated by the fact that the whole thing wasn’t properly symmetrical, the needles that constantly fell off the branches and got into absolutely everything so that two years later we were STILL finding them here and there, the water reservoir that we could never quite keep from going empty, no matter how many times a day we refilled it, the needles, did I mention the needles? The whole lousy experience… every single member of the family swore in unison never to have anything to do with THAT nonsense ever again.