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commented on Cathy
over 2 years ago
I went to a war I didn’t believe in. I went to break a bond between my father and me. Being at Yankee Station off the coast of Vietnam, you realize the life you left was an illusion. You realize what kind of love you want.I have been with wife for 40 years. Yes, she was a beautiful woman. But I had been with a lot of pretty women that I did not want to marry.I looked at the heart. Through the years, her heart made her more beautiful to me.She withstood four days of labor to deliver my son. She pushed forward to care for him after the birth. Not a complaint, but great joy for her son.When I would put my job above my family, she would look at me, tugging at my heart. Family was the priority of our marriage.A good marriage is lighted by the family memories and joys and watered by the tears and hardships.
In the darkness of my stateroom, I played Karen Carpenter’s songs. Her sweet voice would remind me after another day of insanity on Yankee Station, there was still love and humanity somewhere in the world. When she died from an eating disorder, I couldn’t understand why such a thin woman would think she was fat. But I remember you in your high school senior year. How upset you were about that weight gain. You still had that pretty face. More important, you had such a beautiful soul. Why do you carry that illusion about yourself for almost 50 years? Who is going to rescue you from those tasteless rice cakes?
Jennifer Moreno, the Army nurse, was killed by moving a wounded Ranger. The enemy had booby-trapped the wounded Ranger. If she had been trained in combat, Jennifer would not have made that mistake. If we are to send women into battle, they should be as well trained as the men. The enemy is ruthless and cunning.
For half of our married life, Pugie, our 20 year old cat, was the barrier between my wife and I. It is hard to live with an obsessive worrier, seriously anxious and quick to angry person such as I. My wife is my caretaker. She organizes my life, baby me about my fears and keeps things going in our marriage. She would get worn out. Pugie gave her comfort from having to live with such impossible man.When Pugie had to be put to sleep, we had the vet come to our home. The pain for my wife was so great, she could not bring herself to hold Pugie. I did. Nobody should leave this world without being held.
A few days ago, I was at Marine Corp Recruit Depot. I saw a unit of BOTH men and women doing combat training drills. Yes, women want equality in hand to hand combat, Cathy.
Please free yourself about being overweight. You are the same size when you were a high school junior. My wife is 60 pounds over the ideal weight. But I still love her as deeply as when we met. In your interview, you said you wanted to get married but it was the guys. Yes, men from our generation were not ideal partners for marriage. Do you think a guy who is going to get drafted makes a good candidate for marriage? A lot of us came back with a lot of mental problems with the war. These guys were not very good candidates for marriage. What about the rest who didn’t go. But think of all the drinkers and drug users. They were not good candidates for marriage. What was left of eligible men had a pretty big field to choose from. It was not you being overweight, Cathy. Just remember how crazy our generation was.
My daughter has no desire about marriage like our generation. It is not a burning issue like our generation. She only wants the experience of having her own baby.The only incident to mar my son’s birth was my father. The only question he had was did the child have “Chinese eyes.” Not that the baby or mother were well, but just that. My father was a racist.My oldest sister was accepted to the University of Michigan, one of the major universities in this country. His concern was that she could find a Chinese engineer or doctor to marry. She married a tall blonde and blue eye fellow. He disowned my middle sister when she married a white student at Central Michigan University.The family dark secret came out when my father died. His mother was a love child between his sea captain grandfather and his Japanese mistress. His grandfather’s Chinese wife, barren, took my grandmother as her own. I think my father wanted to keep from diluting the family’s Chinese blood.I volunteered for the Vietnam War to get away from his insanity. I found a little Mexican woman who gave me love and a family. Like George said, how can a man live with a woman for 40 years? Love
Why do people think vacations and marriage lead to happiness?All I heard about vacations was it was an escape from a job they hate. My daughter lives vacation every day. She loves working with disadvantage students, counseling them to get into college. But she does not live her job day and night like most people. She tells me that she goes to Chinatown to take Tai Chi twice a week. She goes to dance classes. She loves the night life in New York City, dancing with her friends.I tell her not to get marry unless she loves that person with great passion to give up her lifestyle. Marriage is hard work. You have to work hard with a husband to make a marriage work. You can love somebody, but you could never make a marriage work. It is a hundred times harder with a child.She is excited about going to China in September. I told her you can’t bring a baby on that vacation.
I told my daughter to follow her stars. She may not be rich, but she has had fun. You want to look back and said I lived the best. Never let a man make decisions for you. It is your life.
We are only going on vacation for my wife’s sake. She is the fun loving one. I am the one who spent five days in Hong Kong in the Hilton and bars. I didn’t drink. I was the womanizer so where do you meet women in foreign countries.We are over 60 and things are breaking down. So we plan to go on trips every six months. I have an excellent travel person. If you compute your time on your hourly rate, you would find that you have spent twice as much by not using an expert.I will take lots of pictures and videos for her Facebook page. I will try to pretend I am having fun at the Grand Canyon.Bottom line, you should live where you would want to vacation. We live in sunny San Diego on the coast. My sister visited us. We went to Mission Bay. “You must come here all the time.” No, just when you are here. Coronado, La Jolla, Pacific Beach, Ocean Beach, Mission Beach, Imperial Beach, Cabrillo National Park and so forth. My wife loves to walk on beaches so we do.
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