I pronounce sentence on Stephan Pastis. He will go to jail in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, where he will be forced to play table-tennis, against an endangered Asian animal named after a Greek god, using a skillet. His writing instruments will be fastened to a specially created bread item so that he cannot use them.
He is going to Penn. Pen to play ping pong with a pan against panda Pan, with his pens pinned ’pon a pun bun.