“Dear Mr. Twerkeye (we don’t have to pretend to care about your name):
Imminent beheading is considered to be a pre-existing condition, and is grounds for discontinuing your plan. Please remember that your final premium is due today; payment is expected before your demise. Thank you for your continued premium payments. We will think of your contributions every time we look at our palatial place of work, and will say nice things about you at our annual company vacation near Alpha Centauri.
We appreciate your having chosen Wedon’tgiveaflyingfig Insurance Company for your health care needs. We would like to invite your family and friends to take advantage of our special category of Group Cancellation Plans. Just go to our website to see the many ways we can choose not to serve you. Many of our “Low-Coverage” plans have significant financial advantage over others, as a result of our longterm policy of specifically excluding expected coverage."