Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for February 09, 2012

Checking for ticks…

You should have offered her a roll in the mud.

Pig, that’s NOT what it means to “do it like they do on the Discovery channel!”

Offer her a banana first next time.

It’s easier to walk over a lousy date than it is to drive over a lousy bicyclist without going to jail. Unfortunately…

Hang on pal. Once she accepts she’s a pig, she’ll chillax.

It’s the old Spilled Wine Trope! Seriously, Pig, what on earth do you see in that awful Pigita, besides fleas?

Totally logical – he wanted a flea, which made her want to flee.

Curse you Pastis! I saw the ad for the new app on the bottom of the email version of GoComics and had to get it. You will get yours! (Wait, you already did, because I had to pay for it.)

…i think pig was hunting in the wrong forest…

He stole MY MOVE! (Yeah, works just as well for me too)

Of course she would be offended by “grooming for fleas”— it suggests she’s a lowly, brute animal, rather than a refined, anthropomorphic character.

Pig should have said “grooming for lice.”

Geez, Pig. You don’t just start grooming a girl for fleas. You have to build up to that point! Get to a few other bases first. Although, the shape of Pig’s play field may be a little wibbley wobbley. Easy to get lost on the way to first base.

I love pig & pigita. More pig & pigita!

Pig likes bacon, and wants to see Pigita “strip.”

Pig’s got the right ideas: get hands on girl. His thinking brain just rationalizes badly. Getting brain(s) co-ordinated is first. Maybe read some poetry. Go, Pig, go. But it helps if you can say it, and work on the tone, too. Singers get laid a lot, and it isn’t because they say smart things smartly…that’s a tip, kids.

And don’t save it for Valentine’s Day!

Mighty Weaver…I don’t think I saved any, but I tried. Just gave it away. Tried to save it, but I think it’s all gone. I have no ’won’t’ power. Kudos to Pastis, who is past this too.

Grooming for fleas? give her crabs first.

Well, it’s good to see Pig warming up his Valentine Day moves. They need a little polishing, but I’m sure he’ll get there.

Hey hey hey…!!!!!Don’t knock it… it works for me…!

Oh Pig!

Will you be arriving at her house tomorrow with a bunch of flowers?

xxx

PIG IS MY ROLE MODEL!!!!

There ain’t no fleas on her? Probably not—not enough hair.

Hot Monkey Love! That’ll straighten out Pigs tail.

He got it backwards, as usual. He was supposed to say“I want a little PLEASE”.

A very painful looking bow tie, Pig.

Pig you are a monkey yourself.

You are AWESOME pig!

Poor poor pig, so simple minded.

Pig, just dump her already!STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!THIS IS DOMESTIC ABUSE!

She is an incredibly violent woman, just like Rat. It’s mind boggling why he hasn’t left her yet permanently.

Never do this!!!!!!