Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for September 09, 2011
September 02, 2011
September 16, 2011
Transcript:
Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling Hi, I'm filmmaker George Lucas. When the United States government wanted to commemorate the 10 years since 9/11, they asked me to create the official film. Because who better to present a revised history to suit our current circumstances than the man who keeps hacking up the "Star Wars" movies every time a new type of disc comes out? COMING SOON ON Bluray Disc GEORGE LUCAS' USA WARS REVISIONIST EDITION CGI animation re-sets the scene...and now SADDAM SHOOTS FIRST! Saddam: Take this! And I have nuclear weapons! George W. Bush: Yes, I'll bet you have! An additional word of dialog is inserted so that the U.S. DIDN'T re-establish diplomatic relations with the villain Qaddafi! Condoleezza Rice: So we have a deal? Our oil companies can come to Libya? Qaddafi: NOOOOO! Instead of a budget stalemate leading to a U.S. debt downgrade, I've now made it so the Republicans BLINK in early 2011! Obama: Your demands are insane, and will only hurt the economy! Man: ...Okay! We can't really threaten a default. You win. CGI-added workers change street scenes from depressed and barren to BUSTLING WITH COMMERCE! Obama: My aggressive 2010 stimulus program has succeeded, and Americans are back to work!
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cnfree69 over 12 years ago
The Millennium Eagle made the Iraqi Run in under 12 parsecs!
R0Randy over 12 years ago
Hopefully, George Lucas has appointed a successor so that his films can still be hacked up after he leaves this mortal life. How would we go on if they went static like an ordinary movie does?
hepler1540 over 12 years ago
Perhaps George Lucas will be like Obi-Wan Kenobi and he will be able to communicate with his successor after his death.
Twowheelrich over 12 years ago
Frankly, I’m skeptical. I’m not sure that simply re-writing history is going to solve all our current problems in the good ol’ USofA.
I think a much more effective solution is to finally get off our duffs and finish that time machine that mankind has dreamed about for so long. Think of the possibilities! A bribe here, an assassination there…the re-election of Jimmy Carter…
ickymungmung over 12 years ago
That’s Entertainment!
LHPuttgrass over 12 years ago
I absolutely love this.
mercmarc over 12 years ago
Parsecs are a measure of distance not time, Solo.
JoeStrike over 12 years ago
The Millennium Falcon found a shortcut thru hyper-space, thus the ‘parsec’ reference is correct – and I wrote the fanfic to prove it, so there!
snugharborman-catalog over 12 years ago
In the novelization, many people already aware of the problem, the “parsecs” line was changed to “twelve Standard Time Units”. Right, shytimes2?
ChukLitl Premium Member over 12 years ago
It was a land & time far away& an attempt to sell a swords & sorcery story to scifi fans.It got lost in translation.Our sales invoice showed Saddam had chem/bio weapons,we just didn’t know he’d used them up.Libyan rebels worked with alQuida,& anyone else who’d help them fight Qudaffi.Republicans pray Barry’s a new Jimmy & seek a new Ronny.
gordrogb Premium Member over 12 years ago
That’s one small step for a man, one unfunny comic for Ruben Bolling.
JoeStrike over 12 years ago
@Night-Gaunt49I’d give you the URL but Lucas threatened me with a copyright infringement lawsuit – and I was all out of Jedi mind tricks to defend myself with. (Anybody got any midichlorians? My dealer vanished and I’m getting the shakes something fierce…)
BrianCrook over 12 years ago
This weekend has been a painful reminder of a dreadful decade. September 11th was a culminating act of two hundred years of petro-addiction, twenty years of airline deregulation, and thousands of years of irrational religious devotion.
The U.S.A. has not taken responsibility for its part in September 11th. Then, the Bush-Dick administration used its neglect of the warnings about an attack as an excuse to launch two bloody & pointless wars, decimating two countries, burying America’s principles of justice, and bankrupting America’s economy.