Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for December 04, 2013

“God made man, but he used a monkey to do it… Apes in the plan, and we’re all here to prove it…” (Devo, “Jocko Homo”)

HOORAY!

NO RAT!

Is that why pig wears no pants?

So what’s the joke here? Pig’s Aunt around the block? I know it isn’t calling Steph a Monkey’s Uncle!

It’s true that I’ve never gotten a tasteful gift from a chimpanzee.

steven, who happens to believe in evolution, is himself a prime example of said evolution.

then again, pig is a BIG argument against it

good golly… gosh darn, peel me another banana Clyde

In Stephen’s case they probably are his closest relatives. Would you want to be close to him if you were a relative of his?

Hey, Pig! You need to tell Steph about this: male pig+female chimp=human! As for Aunt Toody, doesn’t she know that you don’t wear pants?

If humans evolved from monkeys , why do we still have monkeys here, and why haven’t we seen anymore monkeys evolve.

Allow me to refer people to www.amazingfacts.org Type “creation” into the Search box. Thanx!

I haven’t seen people evolve much either, as certain comments in this thread illustrate.

@crawler man:For the same reason we have dogs and wolves.

I love Pig !!

Whoa. Somebody spent some time at the library. Nice essay. Seriously, no snark, nice essay.

Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle!!!!

If Pig evolved from the peccary, why do we still have peccaries? And why are there no peccaries in the Pearls neighborhood?

Devovlved?? Americans must have “devolved” into non pastey, good teeth having people who moved from a tiny, cold, wet island to a larger, drier, warmer, continent. Funny, I never heard anyone say they wanted to move and live the English dream…

Nice.Oh Stephan, Stephan…Y’all may love being in touch with your inner monkey’s uncle but, no matter how you slice it – do you really want to throw your weight into the miasma of Hamlet’s global warming despair?

“I have of late—but wherefore I know not—lost all my mirth, forgone all custom of exercises, and indeed it goes so heavily with my disposition that this goodly frame, the earth, seems to me a sterile promontory; this most excellent canopy, the air—look you, this brave o’erhanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted with golden fire—why, it appears no other thing to me than a foul and pestilent congregation of vapors.”

Or his simply depressing and cynical view of the essence of Man?Stephan may be fond of the humours of this but, y’all really want to live this?

“What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason, how infinite in faculty! In form and moving how express and admirable! In action how like an angel, in apprehension how like a god! The beauty of the world. The paragon of animals. And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust? Man delights not me. No, nor woman neither, though by your smiling you seem to say so…”

Count me in with the people that believe in evolution.

I just don’t buy Genesis I. I think they were stories told to keep the kids quiet on the donkey ride back from Judea.

Which doesn’t mean I don’t live my life the way Jesus would want.

People have learned not to trust everything the Government says. I say we should expand that to GOD, Inc. The entrenched bureaucracy of American religion.

I note that you say creationism is bad and stupid, but don’t actually give any reasons why. I’m not saying your wrong, but it makes your argument less impressive.

Hmmm. DNA tests show that Stephan is more closely related to Pig than to a monkey.

The people that say there’s only a 3% difference between us and ape’s are most times the people who don’t know how much a 3% difference can make. it’s huge. There is a crazy amount of genetic information out there. If i say i’m related to apes because of a 3% difference, i might as well say that i’m neighbors with someone who lives 750 miles away, because after all, that’s only 3% of the earths circumference.

Bless your heart… but you’re wrong. DNA tests show closer relation to pigs than to monkeys. As a matter of fact ALL living creatures are around 97% similar in DNA. ALL. Pigs are closest to humans. The reasons we use pig hearts, pig valves, etc. Just the facts getting in the way of blasting the “Troglodytes”.

I hope crawler man’s comment is trolling and that people don’t really have such complete non-understanding as to have to ask questions like that…

Sorry, dogs and wolves are cross fertile – they have the same number of chromosomes and are close enough to breed. Dingos, coyotes, and other wild dogs are just that – canines. Pigs are cross fertile with wild boars, because they are the same. Chimps and man have a different number of chromosomes, so it would have taken a genetic freak to make a human from one. Usually, the offspring is not fertile, but they have found that a cross between a lion and a tiger can be.

A donkey and a horse make a mule, they are infertile. If a chimp and a human had offspring, I would think that it would be infertile, also.

You know, I sort of suspected he might have a chimp as a close relative. (On his father’s side.)

If Rat was in this one… He would make some smart aleck wisecrack.

xxx

The evidence for evolution is massive. In paleontology, geology, morphology, biology, biochemistry, and genetics. Evolution is consistently and repeatedly confirmed by this evidence. It is not a “belief”.

Where are the penguins when you need them?

@Jerry Kelly,

The joke is that Stephen is talking about “closest” in terms of genetic similarity, and “relatives” as in genetically similar species, not individuals. His genetically closest individual relatives would be his parents/children/sibling obviously. Pig thinks that he’s talking about “closest” in terms of physical distance, and “relatives” in terms of individuals.

@AgingStoner:

“Get an education please, before you make a monkey of yourself on the internet.”

Your comparison offends poo-flinging zoo monkeys everywhere.

I also went to a Catholic high school and got a wonderful education. (10th grade{?} biology teacher looked out of the 4th window to make sure no one was listening when he gave the reproduction lecture-funny guy) I truly believe science and religion can co-exist and they enhance each other. Creationists are basically calling God a liar and a cheat. Keep up the good work.

“Humans are apes, just like the rest of the hominids. The currently living species in the Hominidae include humans…”

I totally agree. But you must’ve spent 20 minutes typing that. 20 Minutes you will never get back. It’s just not worth wasting your time trying to educate these people. Let them stew in their own ignorance.

Those of you here that think Creationism is absurd should look into genetics research which is increasingly causing honest scientists to see that the neo-Darwinian idea of life having a common ancestor is untenable. They are realizing that they will need to come up with another explanation for life’s origin.

The idea that chimp and human genomes are 90% similar is patently false, the highest percentage of similarity has been downgraded to at best 64%. Those comparing genomes don’t even have any good starting points for the comparison let alone being able to map supposed similarities. Also the so-called ‘Junk DNA’ (that these banal studies ignored to come up with the 90% similarity statistic) is turning out to be ultra-complex metadata upon metadata taken to astonishing levels, which is obviously required to explain the marvelous nature of reproducing living beings!

Geez thats one of the bigger comments I’ve ever seen here. And again I didn’t say I disagreed with you, I merely wished you’d explain yourself. Just simply stating things as you did without giving examples was childish sounding. You have given examples now of people who, if you’re assessment is accurate, obviously are mistaken. But talking about people who misunderstand both Evolution and Creationism isn’t useful. As for not taking the Bible Literally, well all I can say is OF COURSE. This has always bothered me. So many people who read it can’t differentiate between the symbolism and the actual context. I still have trouble and wouldn’t claim to understand most of it, but I’ve studied with the help of some of the most intelligent men when it comes to Theology. I’m Christian, but I except evolution as fact. I’m actually not that interested in it one way or the other, but I do get tired of people being so smug over things they don’t actually get( not saying you don’t)

Laugh. Nice. You should visit the comments on yahoo stories. Discussions like this (times 10!) routinely. Like this one today

Creationist types are not about to let go of their delusion. Here’s why: The fundamental dilemma any Bible-belivin’ Christian is going to have with the Theory of Evolution, and reality overall, is that if the Theory of Evolution is in any way true, then the Adam and Eve story is necessarily false. If Adam and Eve, and Genesis in general, is just a story, then the concept of Original Sin collapses. If there was no Original Sin, then God created us complete with all of our sins and flaws from inception – our sins and flaws were His creation rather than our “fault”. If that is the case, then just what did Jesus live and, most importantly, die for?Good question, I’d say. Without a real and literal Adam & Eve & Their Apple, the whole Christian conceptual edifice of Original Sin and the necessity of atonement and “forgiveness” falls sloppy dead.Honestly, creationist/Christian myth has never made a lick of sense to me since about the same time I stopped believing in Santa.

Actually, animals share a LOT of the same DNA… ALL mammals. Perhaps your grandma was actually a goat.…or a…rat. 8-)

Precisely the point made above; you cannot just give educated information; you must DEVOLVE into unnecessary, childish insulting.Those who end up just being rude & start “name-calling” are so difficult to believe. Why give your opinions any credence? Because you feel you are superior to those who believe differently than you?

SO many things wrong with what you have written. i am guessing your class was taught by either an evolutionist &/or an agnostic. There is one story of the Creation; the different sections do not contradict one another.

Why doesn’t Pastis draw himself from the back?