Ted Rall for September 27, 2013
Transcript:
Get ready for Obamacare! It's fun, it's cheap, and it's easy! Ignore the critics who cry "too complicated" and "no one knows what to do" and stuff like that. Beginning October 1- later in some states, computer glitches may cause delays depending on your demographic status- it's time to join an intuitively named "health insurance marketplace" public healthcare exchange. Follow these easy steps to find low-cost, affordable insurance (low-cost in some parts of some states, not-so-low-cost in other parts). Don't worry! If you can't figure it out, we'll charge you a fine. (What you'll need to get started: Computer, printer, paper, high speed internet connection. Don't worry! If you're poor and/ or don't have access to a computer, one will be provided for you at a store that sells computers. Cash or credit accepted.) (Still have your identity? Congrats! Now it's time to find the reload button on your web browser. In a nation with 320 million people, of whom 50 million are uninsured, your state health insurance exchnge website is going to crash. Reload. Reload. Repeat. Reload.) (Next, enter your detailed medical history and financial status in the appropriate fields. Upload 225 dpi RGB PDFs of supporting documents as required. Not fluent in english or spanish? Don't worry! You can obtain a translator for about $50-$100 per hour from some translating service. Dammit! Lost everything! Reload. Hey, you might want to try this again at 3 AM. Now comes the fun part. Choose the plan that best fits your family's needs. Think carefully. The wrong doctor could kill your child. Also: Please hurry! The website could crash any second! (Platnum: You're a constantly sick, you are a 1%er, money is no object. Covers everything including penile implants.) (Gold: You get sick often, you are rich, you can pay a lot. Covers surgery, checkups and dental- not vision.) (Silver: You may or may not get sick, your income is middling, so you prefer to pay less. Covers broken legs, stuff like that. A Good option for people who can't afford the Gold Plan.) (Bronze: You're strong as an ox, you're broke. Covers doctors visits on a standby bast. A good option for people who think there is more to life than living a long time. (Plastic: Doesn't cover anything, which is a strong in document to take care of yourself. Slightly less than the coast of the fine for not signing up for Obamacare. Do you smoke? If so add a 25% surcharge to the cost of your plan. Bear in mind, NSA sensors on your computer can tell if your lying. If your income falls between 100% and 250% of the federal poverty level ($11,490 to $28,725 for an individual) You may be eligible for a cost-sharing reduction subsidy. Which can help lower your deductibles, copayents, and coinsurance. In order to recieve cost-sharing reductions, you must purchase a silver plan on the marketplace. You will still have a variety of plans from which to choose, but it must be Silver to be able to take advantage of the cost-sharing reduction subsity. Congrats! You are now enrolled in Obamacare. Oops crashed.
Ted Rall creator over 10 years ago
Enoki over 10 years ago
That’s just the handy wallet card…. The actual instructions come in a book thicker than a large print edition of War and Peace….
Pogostiks Premium Member over 10 years ago
Considering that Obamacare is really Romneycare, wouldn’t it be logical to see how it worked in Romney’s state? Answer: it worked beautifully…so remind me why it wouldn’t be good for the USA as a whole? Oh yeah… because it is “socialist”. Like every other Health Care System, including the ones in those obviously socialist countries like France, Britain and Canada. THEIR health care systems are working wonderfully, because THEY don’t have a Republican Party which is ready, on ’"principle" to sabotage ANYTHING the Obama Presidency tries to do… . A bunch of racist, hypocritical louts… ready to allow the entire country (including and especially the poor) to be completely destroyed as long as it destroys Obama too. There are words for such people, but none of them are printable in a newspaper.
Uncle Joe Premium Member over 10 years ago
Night Guant: Single Payer is easier, cheaper, less complex and will save money.Tigger: This is what the Republicans want to Replace ObamaCare with, but you are dead set against it.Me: Whaaaaaaat??? Tell me which Republican said they want Single Payer.
Uncle Joe Premium Member over 10 years ago
You also disbelieve polls you do not like.A USA Today Poll shows 53% of Americans disapprove of Obamacare in it’s current form.I believe the polls. Many of that 53% want Single Payer. More of those opposed want the ACA improved, than want it repealed.Republicans will not replace if they succeed in repeal. I don’t know of many Republicans who support national health care in any form.
braindead Premium Member over 10 years ago
From Night-gaunt49:-“Single Payer is easier, cheaper, less complex and will save money. maybe by the next millennium if the USA is still in shape to do it.”-Tiggers response:-“This is what the Republicans want to Replace ObamaCare with, but you are dead set against it.”-I’d be really interested in seeing this Republican position. I’ve not heard of it before. At all.^Unless you are being dishonest. Again.
Michael Peterson Premium Member over 10 years ago
Gee, Ted, you’re really appealing to some big thinkers and true patriots here. Nice work!
mattro65 over 10 years ago
I don’t remember the details except that it was either in Tennessee or Kentucky, but there was an instance where a family had not paid their non-public fire company and the firemen let their house burn down. You’d think they’d put it out and try to collect; but businesses are (mostly) run with one thing in mind and that one thing is not helping people.
mattro65 over 10 years ago
I keep waiting for someone to mention that it has got to be better than no health insurance at all. Maybe someday we’ll have single payer like the civilized world.
echoraven over 10 years ago
Good one Ted!